


the best people in life are free.

by thiyatrack (thxyx)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 00 liner centric, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Research Camp, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Mathematics, Multi, Mutual Pining, Science, Slow Burn, between college and school, lots of nerdy stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-12 04:57:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19560736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thxyx/pseuds/thiyatrack
Summary: the one with the friendships that were never really broken, the equations that don't add up, and hearts that can't stop misbehaving.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [almostjaemin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/almostjaemin/gifts).



> to jamie, the jisung to my chenle, i could not think of a better person to gift this fic to. thanks for being amazing <3
> 
> a lot of this is based on my own research camp experiences, so the education systems and surroundings are all based on the ones that i'm used to.
> 
> [ just in case anyone gets confused: in this, NCT = national college of technology ;) and NCTEE is their entrance exam. PSRI is the abbreviation of the research program's title ]
> 
> [ title from new romantics by taylor swift ]

**_[ L. JN ]_ **

Lee Jeno is not here to make friends.

Not because he can’t—Jeno has the knack of making friends the most unlikely of places despite being constantly plagued with trepidation that has to do with talking to people in general—but simply because he doesn’t _want_ to.

Looking around him, he wonders how he ended up in nerd camp in the first place. There had been an essay involved, the one that Jeno had laughingly written out to pacify his class teacher, no more than that. There had been a fair amount of shock involved when he discovered that he had actually had been selected for the next round of selection, along with three others from his school. There had been a pretty shitty interview involved as well, during which Jeno had been able to answer a total of two questions properly, but only because his math teacher had mentioned in passing what a transcendental number was in class the other day.

One confirmation email later, Jeno found himself willingly giving up his entire summer break to attend the research camp conducted at the National College of Technology, on the other side of the city from his house. Despite never taking any of the steps of selection process seriously, he has been one of the twenty selected among five hundred, and he couldn’t give up the opportunity now unless he wanted his school banned from this program. 

That was what had happened to Dejun High about two years ago, and Jeno recalls a vague warning about not taking this up unless he was serious, that his class teacher had given him when she had handed him the initial registration form, one that he had very intelligently disregarded, because he knew she would try to talk him into it either way. 

Jeno sighs. He can hear some boys behind him chattering excitedly, getting to know each other. Jeno can tell with one glance that these boys are as nerdy as nerds can get. Maybe it’s the vibe they give off. Maybe Jeno is just nursing a prejudice. Maybe he just feels a little insecure about being in the presence of people way smarter than him. He sighs again as that thought bounces off his cranium. Just because he had placed second in school rankings halfway through the year when they were initially asking for application did not qualify him as nerd enough to be here.

Okay, so maybe he ended up graduating at the top of his batch by the end of the year, but that was in no way a measure of Jeno’s nerdiness. He was just good at learning things out of a book. A fairly tuned memory, the ability to stretch answers to the acceptable word limit and bullshit just enough to sound intellectual - these skills had served Jeno well in school.

So maybe it’s not that big of a surprise that he ended up at nerd camp. He should probably also stop using the derisive term _nerd camp._ It was the Pure Sciences Research Initiative, Jeno should probably give the prestigious program the respect it deserves.

Then again, pure sciences _suck._ Jeno is an engineering kid through and through. Pure science was never an option and it never would be. He doesn’t even know why he’s here. Maybe he should’ve really listened to his teacher when the form was handed to him.

There’s no going back now, though. He hopes that the joy he derives from the college library, cafes and cafeterias, the independence that he gets from staying at the hostel, and a maybe survivable project will pull him through the entire program without having to socialize with anyone.

Well, not anyone. At least everyone except—

“Where’s Jaemin?”

Jeno looks dully, almost irritably, at his mom. “He’s late. He’s always late.”

Na Jaemin is probably Jeno’s best (and currently only) option to consider a friend right now. Jeno knows Jaemin well enough to know that Jaemin would fit in with the nerds here while simultaneously being Jeno’s only refuge in this cold, unforgiving collection of biology and calculus nerds.

Jeno supposes that you can’t really know someone for thirteen years without getting to know them _well enough._ Still, this would probably be the first time in two years that Jeno has held a proper conversation with Jaemin, something that is probably entirely his fault, so Jeno can’t help the way his heart contracts, flooding his veins with anxiety as he waits for Jaemin to show up.

Jeno takes his phone out to idly check twitter, but stows the phone back after one sharp look from his mother, grumbling something along the lines of _already an adult_ and _where’s my autonomy_ and _don’t wanna talk to people._ Jeno’s mother is about to reply with something cutting, probably along the lines of _a whole eighteen years old and still can’t start a conversation, how am I supposed to send you to college,_ but she’s distracted when her eyes catch on a cab drawing up to the entrance of the chemistry department building that they’re currently standing in front of.

A lanky boy spills out of the back door, a Starbucks drink clutched in his hand that he struggles to finish before turning towards the large greenish grey building, neon green backpack slung loosely over one shoulder. Jeno knows that the drink that Jaemin is sipping one of his Americanos From Hell, the kind that Jaemin got addicted to around the end of ninth grade.

Despite all the apprehension of seeing Jaemin at all, Jeno feels relief underneath it all. A familiar face. A familiar school uniform. He’s not alone.

And maybe, just maybe, this could be the chance to fix a friendship that crumbled under the weight of differing classes and differing friend groups and differing levels of academic stress.

Jeno’s face forms an uncertain smile, his hand lifting into a shy wave as Jaemin catches his eye, face lighting up into a huge smile as he waves excitedly.

Maybe this won’t be as bad as Jeno thought.

**< +>**

**_[ L. DH ]_ **

“Mark this on the calendar, it is a historic day!” 

Donghyuck skips into the kitchen and does a little twirl. His mother looks up from the newspaper on the dining table, her gaze amused over the rim of her coffee mug as she takes another sip. His dad stands at the stove, groggy and in need of caffeine, flipping pancakes, barely blinking when Donghyuck unleashes his presence on the room.

Donghyuck waltzes over to his father, shaking him violently. “What are you doing, looking like that? I’ve woken up before my alarm for once in my life and I don’t hear you saying ‘Hyuckie, you are my favorite, for no other son of mine would be able to accomplish half of what you’ve managed’, and that’s a problem!”

His father halfheartedly slaps his hands away, saving a pancake from burning, but there’s a smile on his face. “I’m glad you’re excited for this.”

“Excited is an understatement,” says his mother, laughing lightly.

Donghyuck shoots finger guns in her direction. “Do you not realize what a big deal this is for me? I get to spend my summer at the university that I might just end up attending, I’m done with all my entrance exams and I get to spend the next couple months in scintillating company, debating upon the complexities of the universe and the minimal knowledge we have of it! It’s gonna be great!” He lets out a loud _whoo!_ at the end of his sentence effectively drowning out his father’s mutter of _how pretentious is the kid even_.

A yell floats from the bedroom, “Hey, shut the hell up, hyung!”

“Suck it up, brats, I’m going to be free from your torture for a solid eight weeks, and then I’m off to college! Be nice to me while you still can!” yells back Donghyuck, sticking his tongue out at the slightly ajar bedroom door even though he knows that his brothers can’t see him.

“You’re still going to have to see them for another two weeks until you move into the hostel, I wouldn’t be burning bridges now if I were you,” suggests his mother, folding her newspaper and rising to place her coffee cup in the sink, patting Donghyuck’s head on the way. She lowers her voice. “Besides, you know they’re going to miss you, so why don’t _you_ be nice to them while you still can?”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “This is all I can manage. No emotion in this heart,” he thumps his chest for emphasis. “Only atria, ventricles, and blood.”

“We get it, we get it, you’re excited for the research program,” his father hands him a plate of pancakes and pushes him towards the dining table. “Now eat or you’re going to miss the train.”

Donghyuck scarfs down his food and skids through his shower, ready to go in record time. His hair is combed down but his shirt is untucked, and there’s the manic glint in his eye that the early morning has not managed to snatch yet. He’s thrumming with excitement even as he screeches at his mom to get ready faster.

The train ride takes an hour and a half to get to the stop opposite NCT’s campus. Donghyuck is not known for his high levels of patience, which are running even lower than usual, causing his mother to give him disapproving looks at regular intervals. 

They’re a couple stops in when another boy in a school uniform gets on the bus, accompanied by who Donghyuck assumes to be the boy’s father. The boy looks tired, the diametric opposite of what Donghyuck is feeling, and has his earphones in. Donghyuck observes him curiously, wondering if they’re headed to the same place, and the probability is pretty high, because despite the boy looking a couple years younger than him, most schools have closed for summer vacation.

Donghyuck’s mother seems to think the same thing, because she gets up to stand with Donghyuck, evidently waiting for the right opportunity to start a conversation. Donghyuck scoffs when he notices her intentions (he doesn’t like speaking to people on the MRT—he used to, but more often than not he got thrown disapproving looks for talking at all, and over the years he just stopped and now nurses a passive anger towards any person who uses the MRT at all) and goes to occupy her vacated seat but the other boy beats him to it. Donghyuck blinks. The boy is lithe, he’s quick—Donghyuck barely noticed him move to take the seat.

The boy looks up at Donghyuck’s mildly shocked, a hint of a smirk dancing along the corners of his lips. He raises his eyebrows challengingly, and under any other circumstances, Donghyuck would be up for a non-verbal fight consisting solely of glares and passive-aggressive eyebrow raises, but he’s in a good mood for a change this morning, and he’s not about to ruin that, so Donghyuck takes the nicer way out and shakes his head slightly, putting on his best and most charming smile.

The boy seems startled for a second himself, before his lips curl into a small smile, mildly sheepish. Donghyuck chuckles internally. He’s _cute._

Meanwhile, his mother has managed to start a conversation with the boy’s father, and she seems to have extracted the information that she needed, tapping Donghyuck on the shoulder and excitedly saying, “Hyuck, they’re headed to NCT as well!”

Donghyuck nods, tuning out the parents’ conversation and turning back to the boy who’s now looking at his phone, so Donghyuck just opts to look out the window. A couple stops later, they’re a little over halfway there, and a pregnant woman gets inside the train. The boy gives up his seat immediately, making brief eye contact with Donghyuck as he takes hold of the strap next to the one that Donghyuck is holding onto.

Donghyuck wonders if he should just make the first move and introduce himself, but he knows that when he wears earphones, he does it exclusively to avoid social interaction, and if this boy is doing the same thing (which he probably is), Donghyuck can just talk to him later. After all, they are headed to the same research program after all, Donghyuck can hold off until then—

“I’m Lee Donghyuck,” he blurts out, holding out his hand.

The boy removes one earphone, raising his eyebrows, and Donghyuck repeats himself. The boy smiles and takes his hand. He has a small hand that fits snugly into Donghyuck’s. _Cute._

“I’m Huang Renjun.”

Donghyuck nods, mentally pronouncing the name over in his head a couple times to keep himself from forgetting it. He looks at the logo on Renjun’s shirt. “CH High School...your school is the one organizing the whole program, right?”

Renjun nods, then rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I can’t _wait._ My English teacher is going to be there for the whole program. I’m going to have to be the responsible one because the _head boy has the uphold the school’s honor_ or some bullshit like that.” He scoffs. “They can’t kick me out of school if I’ve already graduated, though, so I think I can get away with my fair share of idiocy.”

So he’s fiery as well. Donghyuck is liking this boy more and more with every word he speaks. “Why is your English teacher here for the science program?”

Renjun scoffs again. Donghyuck notes that he seems to do that a lot. “Apparently he has a Ph.D…” Donghyuck nods understandingly before Renjun continues, “...in Shakespearean literature.”

Donghyuck laughs. “So you think he’s only coming along to make your life miserable?”

Renjun nods seriously. “Definitely. They say you get more spiteful with age, and this man is practically a fossil, his bones holding together with pure spite.”

“My physics teacher is like that,” says Donghyuck. “And his use of language in general is so bad. He once called us a batch of half-baked potatoes.”

Renjun laughs gleefully. “There was once a time when I got to school late and my teacher asked me why. I told him I had a dentist’s appointment. He literally told me, ‘yeah, you can go to the dentist if you want, but why are you late?’”

“I’m so glad I’m not in school anymore,” says Donghyuck, wiping a faux-droplet of sweat off his forehead. “Which colleges have you applied to?”

Renjun tenses. Donghyuck wishes he could take the question back, but it was kind of inevitable. “I have a few…I’ve applied to NUAST, KCC, SKKU and GIST, but I’m hoping to get NCT.”

“Dude, same,” nods Donghyuck. “I’ve also applied to NUS and NTU in Singapore, which are probably the only options I’ll take over NCT. NCT’s engineering physics program is one of the best.”

“Pure science, huh,” Renjun nods approvingly. “Nice to find company. I don’t really know what I want to do, so I’m not really particular. I just want to stay home.”

“But if it takes you an hour by train, wouldn’t you rather stay at the hostels?” asks Donghyuck, looking up at the route. Renjun only got on two stops after him. That’s a little over an hour from NCT, which they are currently five stops away from.

“Oh no, I’ve been staying at my grandmother’s house for the last couple days. I actually, uh,” Renjun breathes out a small laugh. “I live on NCT’s campus. My mom’s a professor there.”

Donghyuck does a double take. “What?”

Renjun nods, smiling knowingly like he’s used to this kind of reaction. “Yeah, she studied there as well. Came back fifteen years later to teach.”

Donghyuck’s eyes bug out of his head. NCT is the most prestigious institution in the country and their entrance exam is rumored to be among the toughest in the world. People start studying for years ahead of it. Hyuck has two years of NCTEE training to his name, and he wasn’t even that serious about it. “That’s so cool, man.”

Renjun just laughs at that, a glint of pride in his eyes. “The exam was so tough this year, though, I hope I manage to get at least Biological Sciences here.”

A shiver runs through Donghyuck. Just the thought of the results makes him anxious. He slacked off towards the end, so tired of the entrance exam culture and all the fatigue that came along with it that he watched the entire series of Brooklyn Nine-Nine in the last few days right before the exam. Maybe he should’ve tried harder. The thought is hard to shake.

Renjun seems to catch onto what thoughts might be running through Donghyuck’s head (the mildly nauseous expressions might have given it away), because he quickly says, “The conversation is really going into depressing territory, huh? Don’t worry about it, let’s not talk about college.”

Donghyuck smiles gratefully. “It’s not depressing—it’s just that it’s always been made to seem like the entire rest of your life is on the line at this point of your life.”

Renjun rolls his eyes. “Tell me about it.” 

A pause. Donghyuck turns to his mother for a second, and he can see that look on her face that is very clearly proud of him for making friends with Renjun. Donghyuck wants to tell her that he’s been making friends his whole life, that he’s actually very good at it, and that she should stop treating it as an achievement every time he does that because she doesn’t know half of the people he’s friends with.

Donghyuck can sense Renjun casting around for a change in subject, so he helps out. “I can’t wait to stay at the hostels.”

“It’s going to be awesome,” agrees Renjun. “I also can’t wait for the trip to YG University. A couple students from my school went last year and they said it was the highlight of the entire program.”

There are only two stops left, and Donghyuck’s mother nudges him to pay attention. Donghyuck nods and resigns himself to staring at the route map as though that’ll make them get there faster. His excitement had subdued over the course of the train journey but now that they’re close he can feel the anticipation in his veins again.

He looks over at Renjun, who doesn’t look all that tired anymore. His face is relaxed, like he could smile any moment now. He’s looking out the window, and there’s something resembling relief that permeates his posture, almost like he’s happy to be back in familiar surroundings. Donghyuck finds himself turning over the one word that’s been revolving in his head through most of the last hour.

_Cute._

But Donghyuck knows that if he walks down that path, following the _cute,_ he’s going to end up at the wall he’s always ended up at, the wall he’s been trying to get past for a year but still hasn’t succeeded.

The doors slide open.

Donghyuck straightens. He can’t afford to think about that now.

He’s going for a research program that he’s been waiting for since the registration forms were handed out and as a bonus, he’s walking in with a cute friend.

This summer is going to be great and Donghyuck won’t let anyone change his mind.

**< +>**

**_[ N. JM ]_ **

Maybe Jaemin should’ve asked one of his parents to come along.

He peeks out the window as the taxi draws closer to the chemistry department building. The number of parents per child averages to a little more than one. Jaemin wanted to go on his own, to prove he was an independent adult, or so he claimed. He was just tired of his parents micromanaging him. He’d fought to keep them from coming, and now he’s second-guessing himself.

The cab stops a little away from the rest of the crowd, and Jaemin squeaks out a quick thank you, stress-sipping his americano as he nearly tumbles onto the road outside. He got next to no sleep last night, and he’s not prepared for this. Maybe he should’ve said no when Doyoon challenged him to one last game of League at two in the morning. Well, he can’t change anything now. 

Jaemin spots Jeno easily in the crowd. The dull grey of their uniform sticks out against the other brighter colors, but even that aside, Jaemin is just simply good at picking Jeno out in a crowd. The fact that that ability hasn’t turned the slightest bit rusty during the two-year unofficial hiatus that their friendship took makes Jaemin feel mildly satisfied and mildly tense at the same time.

Jaemin walks over to Jeno and his mom, an easy smile on his face. Jeno has a slight smile on his face, not one of his full ones that cause his eyes to disappear into crescents.

The first thing that Jaemin notices is that Jeno is now _taller_ than him. Oh. _Oh._ Jaemin has always been the taller one of the two, and this sudden change of direction in the way Jaemin has to tilt his face throws him off-kilter. Jaemin is one of the most change-accepting people on the planet, but something about this affects him. Something he can’t put his finger on.

Jeno’s mother is the first to greet him. “Jaemin-ah, it’s been so long, it’s so great to see you!”

Jaemin bows politely, smiling in that charming way that deceives every adult. “It’s great to see you too, Aunty.”

“Where’s your mom? She didn’t come with you?” asks Jeno’s mom.

“No, Aunty, she had a meeting,” lies Jaemin, smile not wavering the slightest.

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re here, because I have a meeting as well, and I’ll have to rush back now,” she checks her watch and smiles goodnaturedly. “Someone has to work to put food on the table, am I right?”

Jaemin laughs pleasantly at that. Jeno’s mother squeezes Jeno’s hand once, then Jaemin’s hand once, calling out a quick “have a good day, boys!” before she takes off down the road towards the MRT station.

“You’re such a con artist, you know?” remarks Jeno, eyes scrunched up in mirth. “My mom thinks you’re such a good kid, imagine if she knew the truth.”

“What are you talking about? I am a good kid,” Jaemin shrugs obnoxiously, looking around at the rest of the crowd. “I thought I was late.”

“You _are_ late,” informs Jeno. “But the organizers are later. Apparently Professor Seo’s car broke down.”

Jaemin hums in response. “Why aren’t there any girls here?”

Jeno looks at him suspiciously. “Didn’t you know? During the first session of PSRI, two people were caught making out in the library or something and since then they hold the boys’ camp and the girls’ camp in different NCT campuses.”

Jaemin laughs at that. “So there was an instance of teenagers being teenagers, and so they just decided to hold two of the exact same programs in different cities after that? Very smart.”

“I know. Their minds.” Jeno mimes an explosion, rolling his eyes playfully. “But seriously, how is that supposed to matter? This is a _research_ camp, Na Jaemin, not a picking-up-girls camp.” He bumps his shoulder against Jaemin’s, eyes scrunching even further into crescents. That’s his full smile. Jaemin knows it so well.

Something about that smile, coupled with being bumped against, causes Jaemin to almost lose complete balance. He lets out an offended laugh as he steadies himself, heart beating just a little faster. Maybe he shouldn’t have put that many chillies in his omelette this morning. Yup, that must be it. “Yeah, I know that. I was just wondering."

Suddenly, a silence falls across the crowd as a woman strides out of the building. Jaemin vaguely recognizes her as one of the head professors from the orientation meeting that took place about a month ago (the one before which Jeno fell sick and couldn’t attend—Jaemin had looked for him, but had to find out about that from Jeno’s father). She takes a moment to grace the crowd with an appeasing smile, and when she does speak, she doesn’t speak very loudly, but her voice is commanding.

“Good morning everyone, I am Professor Bae Joohyun. Welcome to the Pure Sciences Research Initiative! We hope you’ll find great learning opportunities here. We’re sorry we’re running a bit late, my colleague is notorious for never showing up on time”—a few scattered laughs—“but if you all wouldn’t mind taking a seat in the Kim Minseok Auditorium on the first floor, the first room right of the stairs, we’ll get started really soon. Professor Seo should be here in a few more minutes. Thank you for your patience.”

Jaemin and Jeno walk up the stairs in companionable silence, taking seats in the back row. Another student takes the seat next to Jaemin, turning to both of them as he sits down.

“Hi, I’m Hyunjin.”

Jaemin smiles and nods. “I’m Jaemin, hi.” 

Jeno introduces himself as well, and they make small talk until Professor Seo rushes in a couple minutes later, an apologetic grin on his face, his hair a mess, looking effectively nothing like the prodigy of a man who became the youngest in the country to win the prestigious Junmyeon-Yixing Medal of Excellence in the field of quantum physics. Almost everyone who studied at this campus of NCT in the last three years talked about his excellent teaching.

He laughs softly into the mic. “Sorry I’m late, I hope you understand we were trying to give you a glimpse into how the rest of the program is scheduled to go on.” Professor Bae gives him a withering look, and he hastily adds, “I’m joking, of course, I’ll do my best to make sure my car is running fine next time.” A few laughs from the parents’ side of the auditorium.

He proceeds to talk about the program and the trip to YGU, and that’s when Jaemin begins to zone out, because he’s already heard most of this in the orientation meeting. Professor Bae takes over after a point, and Jaemin leans his head against the wall in the back, resting his tired eyes for a second.

“You didn’t sleep last night, did you?” There’s a familiarity in Jeno’s voice that inspires an emotion in Jaemin that feels dangerously close to homesickness. The americano has barely kicked in yet, and Jaemin’s brain drags out fractured flashes of memory in the absence of its full functioning.

Five years old. Crying on the playground after having spilt his lunch on the ground, Jeno’s shadow falling over him, telling him that they could share his lunch instead. Seven years old. Dancing around Jeno’s room singing Super Junior songs at the top of his voice, a toy sword in his hand and a matching one in Jeno’s hand, sparring to the beat of Don’t Don. Eleven years old. Sleeping over and playing Fireboy and Watergirl on Jaemin’s father’s laptop, side by side on Jaemin’s bed. Fourteen years old. Jogging and warming up together before having to split to go to separate volleyball and basketball practices. Fifteen years old. Frantically helping each other with homework before the subject teacher got to class. Inseparable. Best friends.

Jaemin’s eyes snap open, and he doesn’t want to shut them again. “You didn’t either, did you?”

“You know me,” jokes Jeno. “I slept at one-thirty, actually. Way earlier than usual.”

Jaemin looks over at Jeno, at the sunlight leaking in through the shades, rippling across Jeno’s face in soft hues, not bright enough for Jeno to want to shield his face but bright enough to make him look like he’s glowing.

That’s the problem, isn’t it? Jeno was always bad with tenses in English class as well. To say _you knew me_ would have been the right thing to say.

“Could you all get up and introduce yourselves once? I’m not very good with associating names and faces and I figured it’s not too late to start trying. If I accidentally address you by the wrong name, don’t take it personally. From the back?”

Hm, maybe it wouldn’t be too late to start knowing Jeno again. To learn which version of Jeno that he’s upgraded to in the last two years. To fill in the gaps. By and large, Jeno couldn’t and didn’t change that much. Jaemin is still well-versed in all the things that make Jeno… _Jeno._

Jaemin internally chides himself for being so dramatic about this. Does he have to turn everything into a melodramatic K-drama? No. He chances another glance at Jeno. 

Yeah, he really missed him.

He hears Hyunjin in the background, saying something that sounds like “Hello, my name is Hyunjin,” and Jaemin barely registers it when a mic is pressed into his hand.

_Oh._ They’re doing introductions. Right. Of course. Jaemin tells himself to get his head in the game, for god’s sake. He can’t afford to waste more of his time dramatifying his drifting apart from _Jeno,_ for god’s sake. Not when he’s anyway going to be spending the next two months with _Jeno,_ for god’s sake.

“Hi, my name is Jeno.”

Jaemin plasters on a smile and turns to Jeno to hand him the mic, only to be met with a bemused stare. Jaemin doesn’t know what he said to make Jeno give him that look, and Jeno doesn’t take the mic from him either.

What the fuck, Jeno.

Oh. Jeno.

Oh, _fuck. Jeno._

Jaemin hurriedly raises the mic to his mouth again, trying his best to ignore the stares from everyone else in the room. “Sorry, Jaemin. It’s Jaemin.” Man, he really wants the ground to open up and swallow him right now. He can’t even bear to look at Jeno as the other finally takes the mic. Jaemin sinks in his seat, hiding his head in his hands in embarrassment. Hyunjin pats his shoulder. Jaemin appreciates the gesture of sympathy.

Jaemin hears a pointed, “Hi, _I’m_ Jeno,” through the humiliated roar of blood in his ears. Man, he hates Jeno. Maybe Jaemin can figure out a way to avoid him for the next two months, to heck with getting to know Jeno again.

But then as Jeno sits down, his hand falls on top of Jaemin’s hand, giving it a small squeeze, and while Jaemin’s brain is at ninety-nine percent capacity, the traitorous one percent still manages to throw out one more memory.

Fifteen years old. Three seconds away from an emotional breakdown, the only thing holding Jaemin together being the calm strokes of Jeno’s thumb against his knuckles.

Jaemin decides that there’s only one thing he wants to accomplish this summer, and that’s getting his best friend back.

**< +>**

**_[ H. RJ ]_ **

Renjun is sitting with Donghyuck in the auditorium, waiting for Professor Seo to show up, halfway through a conversation about how Brooklyn Nine-Nine is such a wholesome and real show which deals with delicate issues with respect and is in general important to society, and that’s when Renjun spots him.

“Holy fuck, I think I might commit murder.”

Renjun catches Donghyuck’s sleeve impulsively, but the other boy doesn’t seem to mind, simply giving him a questioning look. “I’ll join you, what’s the backstory?”

“It disturbs me that you’re completely willing to hop onto the idea of committing a crime with someone who you’ve only know for an hour,” he laughs. Donghyuck is turning out to be one of the more amusing people he has met. “It’s Kim Jiho. My nemesis is here.”

Donghyuck nods. “Cool, cool, cool, cool. So what are we fighting over?”

Renjun wants to laugh at the use of the word _we._ “My self esteem. This dude’s been coming after it for ages, managing t3o steal bits and pieces of it. I’ve managed to foil his evil plans at times, but he’s a mean one.”

That elicits a laugh out of Donghyuck, which is good. That’s what Renjun was going for. “We don’t approve of the mean ones in this house. Let’s stay out of his way. Avoidance precedes murder on the moral scale, and it’s less likely to get you thrown in the slammer.”

Renjun is about to ask why he’s backing out on the murder plan when he essentially volunteered to help, and that passive betrayal is not tolerated in this house either, but then Professor Seo enters and everyone has to shut up.

After the initial meeting, the parents are asked to leave. Renjun waves at his dad as he shoots him finger guns. Renjun rolls his eyes at him and waves his hand to tell him to leave quickly, and he does so, but not before shooting Renjun an evil grin. Donghyuck observes the entire interaction with amusement dancing in his eyes, nodding at his mother as she leaves.

Once the parents have all left, another professor, Professor Nakamoto, starts taking attendance, calling up each person to the front to collect their ID card and a file with a couple notebooks, a pen, a pencil and an eraser, as well as a schedule book that lists each day’s schedule for the next two months, as well as other extra information like books they have access to, a summary of the projects they’ll have to do, and emergency contacts.

“Huang… Lon-Jin? Ron-Jwin? I’m sorry, how do you pronounce this?”

Renjun informs him with a polite smile. He’s so used to this routine that at this point his responses have almost become mechanical.

Professor Nakamoto gives him a grin. “Long-Chin, got it.”

Renjun can see the joke, it’s all over the professor’s face, so he just nods in resignation, takes his stuff and goes back to his seat.

Renjun gets into his first argument in a while during the tea break.

“Tea is superior,” sniffs Renjun in a pretentious voice, stirring a sugar cube into his tea.

“And I thought we could be friends, a shame this couldn’t work out,” shoots back Donghyuck in an equally pretentious tone. “Coffee is superior, tea is trash, and that’s the tea.”

“I think you just admitted that all that you said was trash.”

“Ha! So you admit tea is trash!”

“No, that’s not what I said—”

They patch it up barely a minute later, though, when they figure out that they like the same brand of biscuit, and they hatch a plan to come early for all the tea breaks just to monopolize those particular biscuits.

Renjun figures out that Donghyuck is very good at making friends, casually starting conversations with people that they’re around. Renjun meets a couple people from a glider workshop he went for last year, and holds a minute’s worth of conversation with them. Donghyuck, on the other hand, has probably talked to half the people here already, all while looping Renjun into various conversation and not letting him feel left out. It’s a powerful skill he has. Renjun thinks that the universe has thrown him the right friend.

Professor Seo takes one lecture after the tea break, bedazzling them all by the time they’ve finished reading the subject of his powerpoint: Scaling Behavior, Scale Invariance and Power Laws in the Natural Sciences. He then proceeds to talk about how large and how small things can get in this universe, leaving half the class with an existential crisis by the end of his lecture.

Renjun is immediately intimidated by a group of boys who ask the toughest of questions, some of which Renjun can’t even comprehend. He doesn’t like quantum physics all that much, and seeing it discussed at this level makes his head spin. It’s simple: ask Renjun what beta decay is? He can explain it to you with examples, no sweat. But when you start going into why Einstein thought quantum mechanics wasn’t wrong, but incomplete? You’ve lost him.

There’s one table that’s giving Renjun a mental complex, the one with Hyunjin, Felix, Jisung and Seungjae? Seungmin? Renjun isn’t that great at keeping names straight either. Jiho is asking questions as well, albeit less frequently, and Renjun can’t help the rush of anger that he feels every time he hears Jiho’s voice.

This is why he quit math tuition in eleventh grade, after he decided three years of dealing with Jiho’s bullshit was enough. Who knew he’d ever have to deal with the boy again. At times, Renjun’s anger will seep onto his face and Donghyuck will exaggeratedly roll his eyes at Jiho, pretending that his eyes get stuck in his head until the anger melts off Renjun’s face.

He’s only known Donghyuck for three hours, but Renjun knows that if anything were to happen to him, he’d kill everyone in the room, and then himself. (Bless Rosa Diaz for being the one person Renjun depends on to put his feelings into words.)

The cafeteria food is so delicious, Renjun immediately erases the credibility of anyone who’s told him that it sucks. They’re sitting at a full table, the others being loud and excited, but Renjun can feel his social battery draining, so he sits quietly next to Donghyuck, not responding except the few times that he's addressed directly. 

His eyes catch on the two boys in grey uniforms, the one who had accidentally introduced himself as the other, sitting with a table all to themselves. He thinks of getting up and joining them for a second, but he decides against it.

Professor Bae gives a lecture in the afternoon, then there are a couple small presentations by some of the project mentors. There’s one about high speed imaging that Renjun is fascinated by, despite knowing that he probably wouldn’t have the patience to carry it out.

He’s drained by the time he gets home, smiling tiredly when his mother greets him at the door, frizzy hair all a mess and glasses perched on the tip of her nose. She kisses his forehead and sits him down to tell her about his day, so he talks about it while she makes him tea, mentioning Donghyuck and Professor Seo and Professor Bae and Jiho and most importantly, the cafeteria food. The food is always the most important part.

“Mum, it was _so good!_ Like for real, I’m supposed to believe that this is the thing that I will dread most when I go to college? I don’t think so.”

“I’m glad you think so, that’s one thing you don’t have to worry about then,” chuckles his mother. “And by the way, Lele and Jisungie came over about an hour ago asking of you were back yet because they wanted ice cream. I told them I’d tell you to go over when you came back.”

Renjun brightens immediately, almost as though his social battery was instantly recharges at the mention of the duo next door. Chenle and Jisung were the twins who lived in the apartment next to Renjun's. Well, not really twins. Jisung’s father married Chenle’s mother when Jisung was two years old and since they were only three months apart, they were basically raised as twins, despite being born in different years. Renjun met them after they moved here when he was about eight years old. They offered to give him Korean lessons and that was it. Their friendship was set. Hasn’t been shaken to this day.

Jisung opens the door, doesn’t even bother to greet Renjun, and immediately yells for Chenle. “Lele! Jwin’s here. Ice cream time!”

There’s a joyous screech that emanates in response and Chenle comes bursting out of nowhere, body slamming Jisung with a bunch of currency notes clutched in his hand. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

Chenle’s enthusiasm is infectious, and Renjun always feels better around him. They walk down to the convenience store at the end of the road and buy their usual, sitting at one of the tables as the younger two pepper Renjun with questions about his day and offer opinions on every word that Renjun says.

“Well, personally, I think the Donghyuck kid is nice,” nods Chenle.

“The Donghyuck _kid_ is a whole year and a half older than you,” reminds Renjun.

“Yeah, so are you, but do we respect that? No,” shrugs Jisung, screeching when Renjun puts him in a headlock. “Hyung! Hyung, stop! My _ice cream!_ ”

They’re near their apartment building again when Chenle turns to Renjun and starts an entirely new conversation. “So, I need your help.”

“ _We_ need your help,” corrects Jisung pointedly.

“Ji, we’re basically one unit to him by now. If I need help, you need help. Shut up?” Chenle waits until Jisung nods grudgingly and then continues. “Our school has these advanced classes for twelfth grade that would help us with entrance exams next year, but we need to pass a set of exams to attend them. We were wondering if you could tutor us? We know you have camp and stuff but whenever you have a couple hours on the weekends and stuff?”

Renjun’s mind doesn’t even stop to consider saying no to this, spinning into overdrive, charting out a timetable, an approximate measure of how much he would be able to cover per class, how much homework he should assign them, whether they should create a separate group chat for this (they definitely should—it didn’t seem quite appropriate to discuss indefinite integrals on a group that was named _stan day6 or perish muhfookers_ ). His eyes are far away. If he’s going to do this, he’s going to do this right.

Chenle knows how to read him well enough by now. “I’m going to take that as a yes?”

“Let’s do this!” nods Renjun firmly, pumping his fists excitedly. He’s not sure how well he’ll fare as a teacher, but he’s confident enough to give it a try. Chenle and Jisung have identical grins on their face, and Chenle lets out another high-pitched screech in excitement, while Jisung pretends to cover his ears in exasperation.

“Looks like we all have goals for this summer then,” says Jisung nonchalantly. “Lele and I will have to pass the exam, and you’ll have to figure out what you want to do with your life!”

Chenle punches Jisung on the arm, and Jisung’s eyes widen in shock. Renjun frowns at the guilt in Jisung's eyes. He really doesn't understand the two of them sometimes. “You can’t just _say_ something like that,” says Chenle, his tone bordering accusation, shaking his head. “Jwin’ll figure it out.” He drapes an arm over Renjun’s shoulder and gives him a reassuring nod.

Renjun appreciates that, even if that’s the last thing that he wants to have on his mind, but it doesn’t seem too optimistic to think _maybe, the possibility might just exist._

“Yeah, Sungie,” he seconds, ruffling Jisung’s hair with his hand. “I’ll figure it out. Eventually.”

**< =>**


	2. Chapter 2

**_[ N. JM ]_ **

  
  


“Go on without me, I think I’m just going to lie down and sleep until tomorrow.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes at that, wrapping his hand around Jeno’s wrist as he drags him along. What a drama queen. “Maybe if you hadn’t stayed up until four in the morning, you’d be able to walk another half a kilometer.”

“Half a kilometer? Seriously? Nana, for real, let me sleep on that bench for the night and just pick me up on the way to the chem department tomorrow morning.” Jeno pouts and points at a bench under a tree. Jaemin pauses and gives Jeno an exasperated look. Jeno pulls his wrist from Jaemin’s hold and crosses his arms. “No one’ll even know the difference! We have to show up every day in school uniform anyway.”

Jaemin contemplates arguing with him, but then just decides to shrug nonchalantly. “Sure, Jen, go ahead.”

Jeno smiles, dazzling despite the exhaustion all over his face. Jaemin frowns. It’s been three days and his head still feels fuzzy every time Jeno smiles. Maybe Jaemin should start sleeping more as well, so his head is better rested and not jumping to react to the slightest of things with the most confusing of reactions.

“Tell my mom to feed my cats because I can’t do it tonight,” Jeno flashes Jaemin a thumbs-up, turning on his heel and striding purposefully towards the bench. 

Jaemin stomps his foot in frustration. He’s not good at this. Jeno plays this game better. Jeno knows that Jaemin will give in eventually. It’s always been like that.

Jaemin thinks he can one up Jeno by just walking away, but instead he finds himself catching up to Jeno, placing a hand on his shoulder and turning him around. “Come on, Jen.”

Jeno makes a big fuss of sighing and gazing longingly at the bench before he slumps and starts walking again, this time in the initial direction they were headed in. Jaemin brightens, rushing to fall in step with Jeno, who turns away from him and walks faster.

Jaemin knows how fast Jeno can devolve into a baby when he’s sleepy, so he quickens his pace as well, bumping his shoulder against Jeno’s when he draws up to him. “You’re such a child, just sleep on the MRT.”

“Whatever,” says Jeno, a slight pout still on his face. “You better let me sleep, then. No going all  _ oh my god, Jeno, listen to this song!  _ and stuffing your stupid earphone in my ear with some loud ass rock music blasting through it.”

“You like my music, stop trying to offend me.”

Jeno sticks out his tongue. “I actually thought I’d last the day, you know? But that lecture on holomorphic functions really drained me, like what the fuck was that? I didn’t understand a single thing.”

“Like  _ I  _ did,” says Jaemin, shaking his head. Both of them had initially tried to pay attention, but halfway through decided it wasn’t worth it and ended up doodling in the margins of Jaemin’s notebook. “That was the worst.”

Jeno hums. “Also, I was thinking.”

“Didn’t know you did that.”

“That’s a toddler insult.”

“Says the toddler who threatened to sleep on a bench.”

“Touche.” Jeno glares, but his eyes hold no anger. “No, I was thinking. We should probably become friends with Donghyuck and Renjun. They seem nice.”

Jaemin nods. Jeno hadn’t been keen on making friends on the first day, telling Jaemin in no uncertain terms that he intended to stick with him for the next two months because he didn’t have the patience to try and figure out which of the others were human enough to be friends with. 

Jaemin hadn’t minded, because Jeno didn’t try to stop Jaemin from making friends. If anything, Jaemin was quite pleased to know that Jeno would remain within immediate reach, and while he had made passing conversation with a few others, like Hyunjin and Donghyuck and Chani, he hadn’t exactly made friends. Jeno was the best company that Jaemin could ask for, so he was satisfied.

But it was actually pretty funny, actually, how quickly it took for Jeno’s and Jaemin’s friendship to fall back together after being forced into close proximity. By the end of the first day, it was almost as though they’d never stopped talking. By the end of the second day, Jaemin switched his mode of transportation so he could take the metro back with Jeno, and then catch a bus from there. Right now, it feels like they never stopped talking. It was just  _ that  _ easy to fix things between them.

Of course, by now, falling back together is a practised task, so Jaemin isn’t  _ that  _ surprised.

The point is that they’ve managed to gently carry their friendship back to steadier ground, and adding a few more people to hang out with seems like a viable idea now. Donghyuck had seemed nice enough when Jaemin had talked to him on the first day, once he realized that he’d seen Donghyuck at the entrance exam for NUAST. He hadn’t talked to Renjun yet, but he seemed nice. He was very small, very cute, very soft. Jaemin wanted to adopt and protect him.

“Yeah, we should do that,” agrees Jaemin. “It’d be nice to talk to more people.”

“Oh, are you  _ bored  _ of me, Na Jaem?”

“It was literally your suggestion. Why are you so obnoxious when you’re sleepy?”

Jeno clicks his tongue and shrugs, eyes sparkling as he smiles wide. “I dunno. It’s fun being obnoxious.” 

Jaemin clicks his tongue as he throws an arm over Jeno’s shoulder and pulls him into his side. It feels mildly uncomfortable, because Jaemin still isn’t used to being the smaller one. Even when they’re sitting, Jeno seems shorter than him, but then he stands up, and it’s the exact opposite. It messes with Jaemin in some way. “I’ll tell you that next time you complain about me being annoying.”

Jeno grins, wrapping an arm around Jaemin’s waist. “Don’t be so boring, Nana.”

Jaemin smiles slightly at the fact that Jeno has defaulted to calling him Nana again. It’s been so long since anyone called him that. “I’m the boring one? Who made a pun out of some random reagent we learnt this morning?”

“That was a good one!” protests Jeno. “What’s the one reagent that you should avoid at school? Butyl-lithium, because it’s a BuLi. That was such a good joke, you have no taste.”

“It was bearable the first time you said it,” says Jaemin. “But you repeated it now and I’m disgusted.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jeno knocks his head against Jaemin’s. “You’re annoying, that’s what you are.”

“Stop dragging your feet, I might as well be carrying you at this point,” chides Jaemin.

“I’m so tired, Nana,” whines Jeno.

“If you’re sleep deprived when I come to pick you up tomorrow, I’m leaving you,” threatens Jaemin lightly. “Come on, pick up the pace, we’re almost there.”

Jeno complies, and they manage to catch the train just as it draws into the station. Jeno glares at Jaemin as they get onto the train, taking hold of a strap each. “How am I supposed to sleep when it’s this crowded? I hate you.”

“It’s not even my fault!” splutters Jaemin and Jeno glares, grappling with one hand at his backpack to try and retrieve his earphones.

Jaemin takes his own earphones out and lets the music seep into his ears as he scrolls through Instagram. Occasionally he looks over at Jeno, who looks ten years older and as tired as someone who worked a thirty-hour shift without a break. By the time they cross the third station, Jeno’s eyes have closed. 

Jaemin hopes he’s only resting his eyes and not actually sleeping, but when the train slides to a stop at the fourth station, the jerk with which it stops causes Jeno to pitch forward and fall on the person standing next to him. Jaemin’s reflexes act late and by the time he’s reached forward to attempt to grab Jeno’s backpack, Jeno has already crashed into a very portly middle-aged man, who seems less than pleased about the situation.

Jeno startles awake, bowing apologetically several times over while people jostle him on either side, trying to get into the coach. Jaemin reaches out again and pulls Jeno back by his backpack, mouthing an apology to the older man.

Jeno turns to face Jaemin, eyes wide and disoriented, blinking slowly to try and regain normal functioning. Jaemin sighs. “That bad, Jen? Really? That tired?”

Jeno looks sheepish, heat rising to his cheeks as he looks at the ground, and really, Jaemin has no other option. He has to be the good friend here, so he blurts out, “You can lean on me if you want.”

Jeno nods, stepping forward so he can place his head on Jaemin’s shoulder. The train accelerates and Jaemin instinctively puts an arm around Jeno’s shoulders, holding him close as Jeno loosely wraps his hands around Jaemin’s backpack straps and burrows his head into the hollow of Jaemin’s neck. “I told you I’m real tired, I’d sleep on a random stranger’s shoulder if they’d let me.”

A pause. Jaemin lets out a small chuckle of amusement. “Good thing you didn’t do that. At least you know that I won’t kidnap you.”

Jeno laughs lightly, his breath fluttering across Jaemin’s neck. Jaemin feels his breath hitch. That’s weird. He could swear he was breathing properly until this moment. 

“Can’t ever be sure, I’m sleeping with one eye open,” mutters Jeno.

“Ouch,” jokes Jaemin, his arm sliding slightly to wrap around Jeno’s torso instead to secure him better. “I think you’re too exhausted for that.”

He doesn’t get a response. Jeno’s asleep again.

Jaemin can see the other people in the coach giving them looks. Most of them pretend to look at their phones and sneak judgemental glances. An old woman in the corner is outright glaring at them, so Jaemin glares right back. People jostle around them at all stations, and that’s when Jaemin tries to hold Jeno impossibly closer to keep him from being pushed around. To heck with everyone else’s judgement, Jaemin has to make sure Jeno isn’t rudely woken up by a passing shithead.

He waits for seats to free up at the interchange stations, but the stream of people is so fast and so impossible to break through that Jaemin is stuck where he is, his wrist slowly losing feeling from having to support the weight of two people. Oh well. At least it’s his left hand.

They’re three stations away when a short girl, probably a little older than them, approaches Jaemin. “There are a couple seats, why don’t you sit there?”

“Really?” asks Jaemin. He cranes his neck to check where the girl is pointing and there’s a burly, muscular girl sitting across two seats, keeping the other passengers off the seats with a rough scowl.

“They don’t look unoccupied,” says Jaemin uncertainly.

“No, that’s my friend,” says the girl, smiling. “I told her to make sure no one else takes the seats.”

“Oh.” Jaemin smiles. “Thanks.” He shakes Jeno so that the latter is awake enough to be guided over to the seat, and Jaemin smiles gratefully at the two girls as Jeno takes the seat next to him, linking their arms together and falling asleep on his shoulder again. Jaemin’s entire left arm is stiff, and he knows that when he regains feeling in it, it’s going to hurt like fuck.

Jaemin decides that the next time Jeno’s sleep deprived, he’s going to punch Jeno square in the face and knock him out to make up the sleep that he lost. That would probably hurt his arm less.

Jeno is groggy and quiet after they get off the train, letting Jaemin pull him along by the wrist. They’re quiet all the way to Jeno’s house, which is only a street away from the MRT station. Jaemin pauses in front of the house, raising his eyebrows at Jeno, who gives him a faint smile, tinged with guilt. Jaemin frowns disapprovingly at him.

“You better—”

“I know, I know, I won’t stay up today,” Jeno flashes a thumbs-up. “Computer games bad, sleep good.”

“Very eloquent,” says Jaemin sarcastically. “But yes, get some sleep.”

Jeno nods and walks back up the pathway to his house. Jaemin watches until Jeno goes inside and then turns to walk slowly towards the bus stop, feeling a strange loneliness, a strange lack of warmth. His mind flashes back to the two girls on the train, how they had given him a look of understanding. Jaemin kicks a rock on the ground. Of course, it was easy to assume. Jaemin knows that almost everyone around them did.

But the girls were different. They seemed like they knew. Like they were looking right through Jaemin. 

And maybe that scared him. Just a little bit. That a stranger could understand him better than he understood himself.

His phone pings in his pocket as he waits for the bus.

**♡ jen ♡ >> ** _ thanks for letting me sleep lol _

**♡ jen ♡ >> ** _ dunno what i wouldve done without u??? wouldve prolly crashed into five other people phew that wouldve been embarrassing :D _

**♡ jen ♡ >> ** _ ur a real one nana _

Jaemin smiles like a fool. A fool who’s on the verge of throwing himself off a cliff of feelings without a parachute for the nth time, no less impulsive than any of the times before.

Jeno stays true to his word, looking like he got a good night’s sleep when Jaemin swings by to pick him up the next morning. Jaemin’s arm hurts awfully, and he makes sure to inform Jeno that it is entirely his fault as he sits at the table and watches Jeno eat his breakfast.

“I can’t lift it, see?” Jaemin makes a fuss by attempting to raise his arm a little higher and then dropping it back down because goddamn, that hurts bad.

Jeno looks repentant, cheeks stuffed full of cereal, and apologizes. Then apologizes again. Then once more, even after Jaemin tells him to let it go. Jaemin didn’t intend for Jeno to feel this bad about it, but lets Jeno carry his backpack either way, because he really needs help with that. He doesn’t need to bust both his shoulders.

They reach a little earlier than usual. The table that they usually sit at has been occupied by the uber nerds, so Jaemin looks to see if there’s any table other than the one at the front that has a place for them.

Donghyuck catches his eye and waves. Jaemin waves back, pointing to the chairs at Donghyuck’s table to ask if they can sit there. Donghyuck nods, beckoning them over.

“Renjun’s not here yet?” asks Jaemin as he takes a seat next to Donghyuck, Jeno taking the seat next to him.

“No,” says Donghyuck, shaking his head in mild annoyance. “I mean, he lives on campus, you would think he’d be one of the first ones here.”

“Or rather, he can afford to be late, because he lives this close anyway,” says Jeno, shrugging off his backpack and stowing it under the table.

“Yeah, that’s more like it,” nods Donghyuck, spreading open the schedule book. “We have a bio lecture today,” he sighs heavily. “Guess I’m going to take a two hour morning nap.”

“You’re a CS kid,” states Jaemin, shaking his head in disappointment as Jeno lets out a sound of delight and raises his hand to give Donghyuck a high-five. “Probably should’ve guessed. You have the vibe.”

“That’s funny, I thought you were the CS kid of the two of you,” shrugs Donghyuck.

Jeno lets out an offended gasp, halfway through pulling the foam covering off the mic on their table. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What’s what supposed to mean?” Renjun makes his appearance then, smiling at Jeno and Jaemin as he sits down on Donghyuck’s other side, plopping his backpack down carelessly on Donghyuck’s foot. “Hyuck, are you speaking in Idiot again?”

“I’m practicing, Injun, so someday I’ll be able to converse fluently with you,” snarks back Donghyuck, pushing Renjun’s bag off of his foot and shooting the boy a death glare. 

Jaemin likes them, because  _ this _ . This is the kind of conversation he’s here for. “Renjun, are you a bio kid?”

Renjun nods, bumping the fist held out to him. “We’re the majority here, actually,” he says, gesturing absently to the tables around them.

Donghyuck looks over at Jeno seriously. “Looks like we’re going to have to band together then.”

“We should, we could take them down one at a time,” says Jeno, eyes glinting as he smirks at Jaemin, whose heart rises to his throat. 

“Oh, no, no,” Jaemin says immediately. Jaemin needs Donghyuck as an ally, and Jaemin especially needs Jeno as an ally. He can’t afford to ganged up on by them. The fight of Jaemin vs. The Quick-Witted Smiling Devil and The One With All The Embarrassing Childhood Anecdotes is far too one-sided. Jaemin supposes Renjun could hold his own, but he wouldn’t last half a conversation. “You’re forbidden from doing that. In return for breaking my arm.”

Jeno splutters, accidentally hitting the  _ on  _ button on the mic. “I didn’t  _ break  _ your arm!” He jumps at the loudness, ears turning red as he fumbles to turn the mic off. Jaemin sits smugly in his seat, sticking his tongue out as Jeno glares at him as though that was  _ Jaemin’s  _ fault. “Besides, I carried your backpack.”

One of the kids at the furthest table calls out, “Who broke whose arm?”

“No one broke anyone’s arm, Jiho, fuck off,” says Renjun calmly, as though he’d just told him the time. Donghyuck gives him a look that’s half-disapproving, half-amused.

“Whoa, alright, Injunnie, don’t get your panties in a twist.” Jiho lets out a laugh and turns away, whispering something to the kid next to him.

“I think I’m missing something here,” chuckles Jaemin, watching Renjun try to vaporize Jiho with his side-eye.

“Injun has a crush,” says Donghyuck slyly, causing Renjun to sock him in the forearm. “Okay, okay, I’m joking. They hate each other. Math class enemies or something. But it’s more fun to say that they like each other because Injun gets a hundred times angrier than if you insulted his ancestors.”

“Okay, honestly, who the fuck even cares about their ancestors? There are always going to be idiots in your bloodline, someone worth insulting,” argues Renjun.

“That’s what you’re focussing on? I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the most important part of what I said,” says Donghyuck.

“Hyuck,” Renjun smiles indulgently, soft and innocent but Jaemin can see the evil accentuating his features. Why isn’t Donghyuck running? Jaemin has gone all the way from  _ man, Renjun is small and adorable and I want to protect him  _ to  _ man, Renjun is one of the scariest people I have seen, I want him to protect me, or at least, someone else to protect me from him.  _ “Don’t pick a fight with the one at the table who has the highest level of incriminating information about you.”

“Sure, okay,” Donghyuck laughs that off lightly, but Jaemin’s curiosity is piqued. Maybe he’ll ask him about that statement some time in the future. In exchange for incriminating information from his side, of course. Na Jaemin believes in fair trade.

“Hm, this sucks, there was actually something that I wanted to know about Jiho before I found out that you hated him this much,” admits Jaemin. It was a thought that struck him about halfway through the first day. “Like, is he—”

“—annoying? Insufferable? Self-centred? Totally,” cuts in Renjun, eyes flashing vitriol.

“No, is he gay?”

Renjun frowns for a second, bemused, before his face changes into a neutral expression. “Why, are you interested?”

Jaemin shrugs. “Like I said, until I found out that—”

“Are you gay?” asks Donghyuck outright, eyes watching Jaemin closely. Jaemin feels like regardless of what answer he gives, it's going to matter, so he just decides to be honest. He doesn't want to spend the rest of his summer with homophobes.

“I’m actually bi,” discloses Jaemin, terrified for a split second that he’s made a huge mistake before Donghyuck’s face splits into a bright grin and he blurts out in a whisper-shout, “You’re bi? Me too!”

“Really?” A flood of relief washes over Jaemin. “Oh my god, that’s the first time I’ve ever admitted that out loud.” He doesn’t even know what inspired him to say it out loud. He’s never said it out loud. On the internet, yes, but never out loud, to people who were living and breathing in front of him.

He’s known for a long while, though, since that one time in eleventh grade when Doyoon had joked that if he had to choose, he’d date a female Jaemin, and Jaemin hadn’t really understood why it annoyed him so much that Doyoon hadn’t just said he’d date Jaemin as is, because if Jaemin had to choose, he would just date Doyoon as is, and  _ oh man I like Doyoon don’t I. _

Jaemin accidentally followed that stray thought down the path of actual contemplation of the possibility, and he ended up catching feelings for Doyoon, the boy who he saw for at least ten hours a day, like the biggest idiot on the planet. It took eight months of active effort on his part to get over the crush, which included drowning any thoughts of dating Doyoon by singing or playing Shinee’s Ring Ding Dong loud enough so that any thought at all ceased to exist in his head, picturing Doyoon with other girls, trying to convince himself that he did not actually  _ like  _ Doyoon, not like  _ that. _

None of that really worked. Jaemin only started to get any better with the crush after he started reading up on bisexuality, after he started identifying with it, after he started accepting that  _ yes,  _ he did like both boys and girls and  _ yes,  _ he does like Doyoon in the same way he liked Junghyeon a couple years ago and  _ yes, _ that was okay, because he survived that crush, and he’ll survive this one too.

(Spoiler: he survived it just fine.)

"Seriously? l guess we're all pretty honoured to be the first ones you came out to, then." Donghyuck claps a hand on Jaemin’s good shoulder and shakes him excitedly. “That’s amazing! I’m proud.” Renjun nods in agreement, giving Jaemin an approving nod and a light half-smile.

Jaemin is afraid to look at Jeno, because Jeno has been the one he’s known the longest and Jaemin’s afraid he’s going to turn and find judgement in the eyes of the one person who only ever accepted him wholly, but sometimes Jaemin has his impulsive moments in the right place with the right company, because he feels Jeno take his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze.

Unfortunately, that turns out to be his bad hand, so Jaemin jumps with the flash of pain that climbs up his arm. Jeno realizes and loosens his grip, rubbing soft comforting circles over Jaemin’s knuckles, bringing a small shy smile to Jaemin’s face. Wait, that’s not a great sign. Jaemin doesn’t generally get  _ shy,  _ what the fuck.

The door swings open and the head teachers enter the room with the lecturer of the morning, a short middle-aged professor whose dimples flash in and out of sight as she chats animatedly with Professors Seo and Bae.

Jaemin has to let go of Jeno’s hand, but the warmth stays.

  
  


**< +>**

  
  


**_[ H. RJ ]_ **

  
  


“You’re telling me that you’ve never played Psych in your life?”

Renjun is beyond scandalized, but Donghyuck and Jeno just shake their heads cluelessly. Renjun exchanges a skeptical look with Jaemin, whose arm he’s tucked under (the good one, of course, Jaemin has not stopped making jokes about the collateral damage caused by Jeno trying to get over his sleep deprivation) as they walk to the cafeteria for lunch. “Uncultured swines. We’re playing after lunch, no arguments.”

“If you say so,” shrugs Jeno. “We can even play during the video lectures if we want. That bio lecture destroyed all my concentration, I’m done listening for the day.”

“You’re just bitter because you got away with not having to read any of the slides until the very end, and just when you thought you were safe, she called on you and made you read two slides,” laughs Jaemin, and Renjun laughs as well, remembering Jeno’s victimized expression when he found out he had to read out the whole slide on the applications of macromolecules, and just as he let out a sigh of relief, the lecturer told him to read the next slide as well because it was just a continuation.

“It was unfair! Renjun only has to read half a slide and I get two whole ones? This is discrimination against tall people,” Jeno earns a whack from the afore-mentioned privileged short one for that comment.

Jeno starts talking to Donghyuck about some game that he started playing over the weekend and Jaemin starts telling Renjun about the parties thrown by this girl at his school, even though he’s only been to a total of one and literally lasted less than half an hour before getting out of there.

Conversation made changes subject fairly frequently. At one point Donghyuck is talking about his love for kimchi and how he would murder for it and the next minute Jaemin is talking about the murder in one of the episodes of While You Were Sleeping (which he’s currently halfway through). They discuss alcohol, Jaemin talking about how he’s only tasted champagne once and it tasted like cardamom so he’s hated champagne in general after that, Jeno has tasted beer and vodka and despises both, Donghyuck can stand red wine, and Renjun stays away from alcohol altogether due to his deep-rooted paranoia that each sip of alcohol will take a couple years off his life. 

The talk of alcohol leads to Jaemin talking about the beer shampoo that he used to see on TV when he was younger and how he used to use that because it was the closest he could get to drinking.

Donghyuck and Jaemin discuss mutual acquaintances from various schools, most of whom Renjun isn’t familiar with, but he enjoys the anecdotes associated with these random strangers. Jeno chimes in from time to time with a mildly funny comment, and exchanges a grin with Renjun as Donghyuck and Jaemin blitz through the five stages of grief as the jokes get worse.

Donghyuck and Jaemin open up fairly quickly, joking about the number of crushes they’ve had and how easily they fall for people, and Jeno tells them about the girlfriend he had in sixth grade who dumped him after he refused to pass to her when they were playing basketball. 

Renjun tells them his own share of school drama, like when he had a crush on this girl and he told his friend to tell that girl that he liked her, and his friend came back saying that the girl didn’t like him back, so Renjun decided to go and tell her the next morning that it was a misunderstanding, only to find out two years later that she had actually said that she had liked Renjun, that his friend had lied, and that when he talked to her the next morning, she thought he was breaking up with her.

“So I guess you got the misunderstanding part right, but you just associated it with the wrong incident,” says Jeno. “Oof.”

Jeno and Donghyuck download Psych onto their phones after lunch, when they’re back at the air-conditioned computer lab that they have come to treat as home base.

“We’re playing  _ And The Truth Comes Out,  _ okay? I’ll tell you the code and we’ll begin.”

Psych is a mess. Jeno’s answers are always the nicest, the least likely to offend, unless it comes to Jaemin, in which case he’ll break out some faraway memory from when they were seven years old that even Jaemin won’t remember and they’ll have long pauses between rounds and have Jeno explain what exactly he meant by entering  _ a dead rat  _ as his answer to the question  _ what is Jaemin hiding in his fridge?  _ and sit through a story of how Jaemin stuck half his leftover school lunch on the kitchen counter right before he went on vacation and how his parents had to call an exterminator after they got back because it stunk so bad when they got back they’d thought something had died in there.

Donghyuck is ruthless, but he also settles for insults that never personal enough to actually hurt. He makes fun of Jeno’s lack of lips, Jaemin’s equally sad love life, Renjun’s height and seeming inability to appear scary. He occasionally throws a couple Jiho jokes in as well, and they decide that in order to talk about him in public without fearing anyone overhearing them, Jiho needs a codename.

They decide to christen him  _ beer shampoo  _ (Donghyuck’s suggestion). It cracks Renjun up to use it, but he gets used to it.

Jaemin takes way too long to come up with his answers, and oscillates between sweeping all the points in the round and gathering no points at all. He’s flirty as well, to Renjun’s disappointment and delight (disappointment when Jaemin is flirting with him, delight when it’s Donghyuck who’s subject to it instead—it’s confusing to tell when Jaemin is flirting with Jeno), and halfway through the game reverts to calling Donghyuck  _ babe,  _ and Donghyuck, who revels in this, reciprocates the gesture, exaggerated three-fold.

And Renjun is, of course, the king of Psych, and even though it’s easy to spot his answers because they’re the longest and most well thought-out ones, the others can’t help picking them because they’re just  _ that  _ good. Renjun prides himself on his Psych ability. Mercy is lost on him when he’s in the game. Occasionally one of the other three will let out an appreciative  _ ohhhhh  _ when they read an answer on the screen, and ninety percent of the time, it’s for Renjun. Chenle and Jisung have really trained him well for this.

Renjun feels a little different when he’s with Donghyuck, Jeno and Jaemin. He doesn’t second-guess what he says, he doesn’t measure his words, and they actually  _ listen.  _ Somehow, they just work. Renjun can feel himself getting more hyper, interjecting more into conversation, not worrying too much about offending any of them as the day goes by. It’s closer to the feeling that was once exclusive to only Jisung and Chenle.

“We’re sitting together tomorrow as well,” says Donghyuck as they part ways outside the chemistry building—Donghyuck towards one campus gate, Jeno and Jaemin towards another, Renjun towards the residential zone.

It becomes a permanent arrangement. Donghyuck is generally the first one to arrive, and then it’s a competition between Renjun and the other two to see who gets there faster. Renjun actually starts getting there earlier, half spurred on by the will to not lose and half spurred on by the want to see them.

In the meantime, he starts tutoring Chenle and Jisung as well, mapping out a class plan and sticking with it, even if it means having to make them stay back another hour to make sure they know how to integrate a linear by quadratic function properly. Chenle is faster at learning how to use problem-solving techniques, but he forgets the smaller details, whereas Jisung is the exact opposite, taking his time with the problem solving and breezing through the theory.

Renjun likes it. He likes teaching them, despite the frustration that comes with Chenle forgetting the magnitude of the charge on an electron for the twenty-second time, despite having to explain concepts that he despised himself while studying, despite having to tell Jisung to focus as he gets distracted  _ yet again,  _ despite how tired he is at the end of it, a tiredness he doesn’t even register until he falls into his bed and is asleep before he can feel his head hitting the pillow.

It’s satisfying, when Chenle uses the mnemonic that Renjun gave him to solve for drift velocity, when Jisung’s eyes light up when he uses a method to solve a problem and it actually  _ works,  _ when they cover all the topics that had to be covered that day, when Renjun can see that he’s actually helping them.

They always go for ice cream after their tutoring sessions, and that’s when Chenle and Jisung tell Renjun about the smallest of things that happened during the day (“Jisung put ketchup on his subway, Jwin, how are we even related.”) and Renjun tells them about his new friends (“Jeno is probably my favorite, though, he has the most precious smi—” “Whatever, Jwin, we stan Donghyuck in this house.” “You’re only saying that because he called Jwin’s contact picture of you cute. Your opinion doesn't count here.” “Well,  _ you’re  _ just angry that he didn’t call you cute!” “Shut up, I don’t need to be  _ told— _ ”) and Jisung jokes that he better not pull a betray-and-replace on them.

Renjun doesn’t generally respond to that comment with anything more than a scoff and a headlock, because admitting that that’ll never happen because he can’t think of replacing the very people for whom he wants to stay back on his home campus makes him feel too vulnerable. 

Chenle and Jisung are way smarter than Renjun could ever be, way more determined than he could ever be, and he knows they can pass NCTEE without blinking an eye, which is why he tries to teach them the best he can, because if there’s a chance that they can stay together for the next four years, he’ll do all he can to work towards that. 

Renjun despises change. He wraps himself in familiarity, holds it close with all the fear of someone who doesn’t have enough faith in themselves to survive on their own.

He’s always been like this, crying after his class got shuffled in eighth grade after being with the same class for three years, crying on the last day of school even though he acknowledged that he wasn’t really going to miss anyone except two other people, collapsing thankfully on the floor of his room every time he got back from a trip, being awkward around cousins when he hasn’t seen them for a while and they’ve changed in some slight way that makes Renjun feel uncertain that he knows them.

And yes, he does know that eventually, he’ll have to live on his own, but for now, if he has the chance to stay at home, he’d much rather take that. Eighteen seems too young an age to be let out on his own. Renjun just doesn’t trust himself.

On the Thursday after, about one week since their unit of four had been formed, Renjun is sitting on the floor of his bedroom attempting to pack of YGU. He has Donghyuck on video call, talking about everything they have to bring (or at least, that’s what Donghyuck he said he initially called for—a majority of their conversation is just Renjun validating Donghyuck’s clothing choices) when Chenle and Jisung burst into his room, causing him to drop his phone face down on his bed.

“What are you doing here? Don’t have you keyboard classes or something?” asks Renjun as he picks up his phone.

Chenle goes straight to the bed and throws himself on top of it, while Jisung settles himself in the pile of rejected clothes that Renjun has formed outside the closet. “Lele convinced me to skip it,” shrugs Jisung. He waves a dismissive hand when Renjun gives him a shocked look. Jisung is supposed to be the mildly more sensible one, at least when it came to not skipping classes for stupid reasons. “Don’t worry about it, we’re ahead of schedule anyway.”

“Your mom’s going to kill you,” Renjun shakes his head. He turns to Chenle, who has starfished out completely on the bed, foot dangerously close to knocking over the pile of clothes that Renjun is actually going to take. “Why did you even skip class?”

“Because keyboard class  _ sucks, _ ” sighs Chenle, not looking up. “We’ve played at provincewide concert level and the new teacher is treating us like babies who can’t place the right finger on the right key.”

“Those teachers are the  _ worst, _ ” pipes up Donghyuck, and Renjun gives him a quizzical look. “You played the keyboard?”

“For ten years. Gave up because I started hating my teacher. Threw the book down and stormed out and all,” says Donghyuck smugly. Renjun wants to tell him that’s not a great thing to be proud of when Chenle suddenly sits upright. “Is that Donghyuck?”

“Aw, Injunnie, have you been talking about me? That’s so cute, you  _ like  _ me,” coos Donghyuck, face scrunching into an evil grin.

Jisung has gotten up as well, and both of the younger ones try to fit their faces onto the screen, squishing Renjun between them. Chenle lets out a chirpy “Hi! I’m the cute one!” and Jisung rolls his eyes at that.

“Oh, Injun, I finally get to meet your neighbours!” Donghyuck waves excitedly. “You’re Lele, right?”

“Oh my god, he called me Lele,” Chenle holds a hand to his heart dramatically. “I can die happy now.”

“Chenle likes you a bit much,” comments Jisung. “I’m kinda neutral. I’m not partial to any of you.”

“Except me?” asks Renjun.

Jisung shakes his head with a mildly disgusted expression. “No, you’re last on the list. I was talking about Jeno, Jaemin and Donghyuck.”

“I think that’s Jeno hyung, Jaemin hyung and Donghyuck hyung to you, kiddo,” chuckles Donghyuck lightly, eyebrows raised.

“I’m sorry, he’s an embarrassment. I’m not related to him, Hyuck hyung, don’t judge us together,” says Chenle as he pushes Jisung’s head out of the frame.

“Okay, okay, this is great and all but I need to get back to packing,” says Renjun, pulling the phone away from Chenle’s death grip.

“That’s exactly what we skipped class for,” says Jisung, who’s found his way back to the rejected clothes pile. “Why don’t you take this? It’s nice.” It’s an NCT t-shirt with a lame science joke on it. Renjun’s immediate thought is that Jeno would appreciate that.

It takes another hour and a half of arguments over clothes and medicines and card games for Renjun to finally feel like he’s packed and ready. He has two packs of regular cards and Donghyuck has agreed to bring his Uno cards. Renjun has a couple sets of clothes that both Jisung and Donghyuck have deemed okay with and Jisung has managed to bully him into taking the NCT t-shirt, even if, in Renjun’s opinion, it’s embarrassing at worst and an unnecessary flex at best. Chenle transfers some new music to Renjun’s phone, playing his favorites out loud and singing along.

It’s past midnight when Chenle and Jisung leave—well, they don’t exactly leave, Renjun has to kick them out so that he can get enough sleep before he has to report outside the chemistry department so they can take a nine-hour bus ride to YGU.

Renjun’s alarm doesn’t go off, though, so he shows up fifteen minutes later than the reporting time with an extremely harried mother and reports his attendance to Professor Moon, who smiles and makes conversation with his mother for a while. Renjun wanders over to the steps, where Jaemin is dozing with his head on Jeno’s shoulder, their backpacks and suitcases next to them.

“Hey, Injunnie,” smiles Jeno as Renjun draws up to them. “Just a backpack? You’re packing light.”

“Didn’t think anyone else would be bringing a suitcase, I should’ve called you,” says Renjun, dropping down next to him.

“It’s alright, small clothes occupy a smaller volume anyway,” says Jeno, giving Renjun a shit-eating grin.

“I would punch you right now but I don’t want to wake Jaeminnie up.” Renjun reaches over to pet Jaemin’s head gently. “Poor kiddo shouldn’t have to suffer because of your dumbassery.”

“But that’s my job,” laughs Jeno. “Where’s your mom?”

“Talking to Professor Moon.”

“Perks of having an NCT professor mom, I guess.”

“I guess? I mean Professor Bae’s been treating me like the same kid she’s had over for dinner, who’s followed her around her kitchen going ‘Joohyun aunty this, Joohyun aunty that’, so it’s not all fun.” Renjun smiles unconsciously at his own words. He does enjoy being in the presence of people he knows, but he supposes he can complain about being babied because everyone does that to him, so it isn’t exactly personal.

Jeno hums, a small smile resting softly on his features. “Where’s Hyuck?”

“I don’t know, he’s generally never this late,” says Renjun, resting his head on Jeno’s free shoulder.

Donghyuck arrives less than two minutes later, throwing his backpack down and collapsing on Renjun’s lap. Renjun exchanges an exasperated look with Jeno. They look ridiculous, a mess of arms and legs strewn all over the staircase. They look ready to be made into a Renaissance painting.

Their moms flock together and Renjun and Jeno, who are the ones who are awake, make introductions to all four moms at once. Their moms start holding a conversation on how disgustingly adorable it is that their sons have found such lovely company and how they’ve all become close in such a short time. Renjun rolls his eyes, but his heart swells.

It’s another half an hour before Professor Moon does another round of checking attendance and starts loading them onto the bus. Jaemin and Donghyuck are grumpy, Jeno having one arm around each of them to keep them upright. 

Their moms all hug them goodbye, issuing a few mandatory last-minute warnings and reminders. Renjun has a mild freakout moment when he thinks he forgot his medicines at home, which spreads to Jeno who wonders if he packed his allergy pills. They’re both safe, luckily, but the look that Jeno’s mom gives him for giving her a near heart attack is searing and exasperated, like this isn’t the first time that this has happened.

Renjun ends up next to Jeno, Jaemin and Donghyuck taking the two seats next to them. Some kid whose name Renjun doesn’t remember takes the lone seat across the aisle from them, pops a couple pills into his mouth, stuffs his earphones in his ears, puts on an eye mask and pretty much passes out for the first few hours.

Jaemin and Donghyuck sleep for a couple hours too, during which time Renjun and Jeno make good use of the split headphone jack that Jeno brought. They listen to music, taking turns choosing the next song then watching a movie when they start getting bored. Jaemin wakes up halfway through the movie and pokes his head between their seats, watching while asking incessant questions that require context from the first half of the movie.

They abandon the movie once they stop for lunch. Jaemin is back to his annoying self, back-hugging a sleepy Donghyuck all the way to the front of the line, then talking about the dream he had while they eat.

“Why does my subconscious always pair me up with the weirdest people?” sighs Jaemin as he slurps his ramyeon. He takes a wistful sip of his water. “Putting me in vivid ideal scenarios and then making me realize that it was a dream.”

“It was me, wasn’t it? I know you can’t help but dream of me,” teases Donghyuck. “It’s alright, babe, you’re not alone.”

They reach around six in the evening. Renjun and Jeno finish two movies in that time, Jaemin joining them for the second one after promising that he won’t ask stupid questions. Donghyuck sleeps off his motion sickness, lying on Jaemin’s lap.

Renjun can barely feel his legs as they step out of the bus, head fuzzy and movements clumsy. Professor Bae tells them to line up so she can assign them rooms, and Renjun takes a look behind her to see where they’ll be staying, only to find a dingy building that seems like a motel out of a horror movie.

“That’s not where we’re staying, is it?” whispers Jaemin. “It looks creepy as fuck.”

“I thought we were staying at one of the hostels,” says Jeno. “And even then,” he squints at the board above the entrance of the building. “Isn’t the university guest house supposed to be  _ better  _ than the hostels?”

Donghyuck shudders. “Oh my god, if this is the guest house then what on earth are the hostels like?”

Renjun tries for a smile. “Come on, guys, it can’t be  _ that  _ bad.” 

“Okay, first rule,” announces Professor Seo. “No opening in the windows, because you’ll let the bugs in.”

Renjun nods. “Okay, so maybe it is  _ that _ bad.”

Renjun gets put in a room with Donghyuck, Felix and Yangyang. Felix decides to switch with Jeno because his friends are staying there, and Jaemin sweet-talks Yangyang into switching with him. Professor Bae initially gives them an annoyed talk for attempting to switch rooms, then gives up when Renjun and Jaemin plead with her, giving them a resigned  _ fine, do what you want, as long as you don’t get into fights. _

“I call the bed furthest from the window!” yells Donghyuck as they enter the room. Then he pauses, because there are only two beds in the room. “Wait, what.” Then he shrugs. “I still call the bed furthest from the window!”

Jeno attempts to ask what sleeping arrangement they’re going to go with but Jaemin tells him that they’ll sort that out later, dumping his backpack down and splaying himself across the other bed.

Renjun doesn’t like the vibe of the place. It reminds him of horror movies. He knows he’s not going to sleep peacefully for the next two nights, out of fear that there’s something haunting their room. He can feel his insides shrivel with anxiety. He puts his backpack down and goes to the bathroom to wash his face.

After he’s managed to eliminate all remnants of travel from his face, he feels better, changing into comfier clothes and walking out of the bathroom to find Donghyuck and Jeno wrestling over the air conditioning remote.

Donghyuck prefers it as cold as possible (“There’s a reason I barely survive winter, Lee Donghyuck, I’m not willing to put myself through that when I don’t have to!”), but Jeno prefers it just a little cooler than room temperature (“ _ Room  _ temperature? It’s fucking summer, Jeno! The room is near forty degrees, that’s why the air conditioning fucking  _ exists! _ ”). Jaemin just watches from his post on the bed, looking mildly entertained and patting the space next to him as though inviting Renjun to watch with him.

They settle it with rock, paper, scissors, with Jeno winning the right to control the AC remote for that night, and Donghyuck winning the right for the second night. Jaemin and Renjun abstain from entering the argument, although it is rather tempting.

Renjun’s phone starts ringing, interrupting Jeno’s impromptu celebration dance, and he’s startled when the caller ID reads  _ Asshole: DON’T PICK UP,  _ and Renjun’s confused, because he thought he had deleted this number ages ago. He has half a mind to decline the call, but a sliver of curiosity so as to why Jiho is calling him at all gets the best of him.

“What do you want?” The three others in the room immediately look at him, knowing that that level of hostility only makes its way into Renjun’s voice when Jiho is the person in question.

“ _ Hello to you too, Injunnie, I was wondering if you have playing cards. _ ” God, Renjun hates him so much. Hates hearing his voice, hates acknowledging his existence.

“Yes, I do.” Renjun can’t lie when he’s caught by surprise. And mild disappointment. The urge to fight always rears its ugly head every time Renjun is reminded that Jiho still exists, and when left unsatisfied, is relieving and disappointing at the same time.

“ _ Could I borrow them? Me and a couple others want to play but none of us have a pack. _ ”

Renjun sighs, biting his tongue to prevent the words  _ it’s a ‘couple others and I’, you dolt, not ‘me and a couple others’  _ from spilling from his mouth. “Sure. We’re in room 004.”

Donghyuck’s eyes are the first ones that catch Renjun’s when he looks up after hanging up. His eyebrows are raised questioningly. “What was that about?”

“Jiho wants playing cards,” says Renjun dully, walking over to his bag and rooting through it. “Apparently the lot of them want to play.”

“Oh, cool.” Donghyuck waits to see if there’s any more, then shrugs and goes back to his phone when he realizes not.

“Can we play Uno?” asks Jaemin, who’s trying to force Jeno to stay still as he ties Jeno’s bangs into a fountain on the top of his head (for old times’ sake, he says).

Their door gets pushed open, and Jeno yelps and goes to hide behind Jaemin. Renjun is about to laugh at him before the laugh sours in his mouth when he registers Jiho standing there, expectant smile on his face.

“Uno? You’re playing Uno?” Hyunjin emerges from behind Jiho, excitement in his voice. “Can we play too?”

“Did none of you think to bring cards?” laughs Jaemin. “Sure, we can all play together.” He looks to Renjun for confirmation, and Renjun is caught like a deer in headlights, so he just nods meekly and takes a seat on the bed next to Donghyuck.

Jiho sits on Donghyuck’s other side, and Jeno, Jaemin, Yangyang, Hyunjin and Seungmin form a circle by sitting around the bed. Hyunjin starts talking about how the AC in their room is all messed up, and Renjun finds that as long as he ignores Jiho, he’s able to participate fine in the conversation. Just fine, things are peachy.

Yangyang puts down a plus-four and Renjun groans. “I want to die, I hate you so much right now.”

Jiho clicks his tongue. “Always so overdramatic, Injunnie.”

Renjun glares. “Am not, jump off a cliff—”

“But you are? I still remember that time when we had to go to this math expo together and you latched onto me and you said you had  _ social anxiety _ —”

And then it’s just static. Anything else that comes after is just static in Renjun’s ears. His distress level has risen for every word that Jiho had been saying, and peaked with the last two words sneered at him. The others have fallen silent, obviously sensing something wrong, and Renjun feels the room ripple around him, his throat closing up.

It was a mistake, one that he made at a vulnerable moment, a whole year and a half ago. It was the reason he quit math class, the reason he felt bile rise to the back of his throat whenever anything with regard to Jiho came up. Attempting to be friends with Jiho was the real mistake, one that Renjun made over and over.

God, all the time he lost trying to be friends with Jiho—but he lost a little more than just time when he had an accidental lapse of judgement and decided to have one of his honest moments in front of Jiho. Renjun regretted it for a long while after it, and all the regret comes back in this instant, washing over Renjun’s head, boiling the anger in his stomach, and the only thing he knows is that he  _ hates  _ Jiho.

Renjun puts his cards down, very calmly, and looks Jiho straight in the eye.

“You know what, Jiho? Fuck you.”

Then he jumps off the bed before Donghyuck can reach out to hold him back and leaves, slamming the door behind him.

  
  


**< =>**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhh this was supposed to have all four povs but it ran too long and i wasn't going to wait until i wrote like 16k so here have some jaem and injun pov you'll get hyuck and jen next chapter  
> and for those wondering where mark is i promise you he'll be here SOON this is still a markhyuck story too unu  
> and please do leave comments they really keep me going :<


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a whopping 13k enjoy this chapter folks  
> also tw: social anxiety

**_[ L. JN ]_ **

Jeno is stunned into inaction.

Renjun has always been vocal about his dislike for Jiho, but vague about the reasoning. Jeno can vividly place several mentions of him being an asshole, with little elaboration on how exactly he is so. There was also an anecdote about how he was one of the most argumentative people on the planet, taking stances he didn’t believe in if it meant that the quarrel could go on, taking the smallest points and nitpicking, hurting all the feelings he had to if it meant he won.

Jiho hadn’t been hostile to any of them, so Jeno had remained neutral, because he didn’t like taking sides (if it came down to it, though, he would be on Renjun’s side, one hundred percent). Donghyuck, out of unwavering loyalty to Renjun, had declared himself a certified Jiho hater, but continued to tease Renjun anyway, simply because he found it funny. Jeno knows Jaemin would cut a bitch for Renjun, so even though he occasionally joins in with the teasing and makes passing comments about Jiho’s jawline, Jeno knows his opinion is as colored as Donghyuck’s.

For a few seconds, Jeno just stares at Donghyuck, stunned. He doesn’t have proper context but something about the way Renjun’s face fell from angry to dismayed when Jiho said the words _social anxiety_ made Jeno’s heart plummet.

“Someone should go after him.” Donghyuck’s voice sounds uneasy. “But I don’t think he’d want all of us there.”

“He wouldn’t,” agrees Jeno. Renjun might not be in the best state right now but he tries so hard, all the time, to make it seem like he’d be just fine on his own, that Jeno feels like it would be better if they all didn’t ambush him at once. “I’ll go.”

He finds Renjun easily enough, standing by the water dispenser in the lobby, a glass of water clutched so tight in his hand that his knuckles are stark white. He’s staring at the water as though it has murdered his whole family.

“Injun?”

Renjun looks up uncertainly at Jeno, his eyes swimming with tears. Oh no, tears. Jeno isn’t good with tears—he generally prefers to cry alone. Jeno approaches Renjun slowly, taking the glass of water gently from his hand, and placing it on the counter.

“If you want to talk about it, we can talk about it.”

Jeno knows that if Donghyuck or Jaemin were here instead of him, they would've hugged the life out of Renjun first, offering physical comfort, but Jeno is no expert at tactility. Despite the fact that he seeks reassurance through it, he’s not exactly skilled at reassuring someone else. So he waits.

A couple tears escape from Renjun’s eyes, leaving wet trails down his cheeks. Jeno wrestles with different alternatives on how to deal with this, standing frozen, not really doing anything at all. Fat lot of good at comforting he is. Renjun sighs, ducking his head, more tears falling from his eyes. Jeno looks behind him. Donghyuck is standing at the entrance of their room, the worry in his eyes palpable even from a distance. Jeno has half a mind to run back and tell Donghyuck to take over, but he refrains from doing so because he doesn’t feel like leaving Renjun.

“What does he _gain_ from saying shit like that?” breathes Renjun finally, hands clenching and unclenching. “What a fucking _asshole,_ the most _despicable_ human being—” He cuts himself off to take a long shuddering breath, eyes cast at the ceiling helplessly. “I _hate_ him. I hate him _so much_.”

He looks at Jeno, eyes intense and focused. “How could he just _say_ something like that? Especially when it was _his fucking fault_ that I had social anxiety in the _first place_ —” He scoffs disbelievingly, the corner of his mouth lifting to form half a bitter smile. “You wouldn’t do something like that, would you, Jeno?”

“I wouldn’t,” assures Jeno, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Injun.” He thinks he hears footsteps coming down the hallway but refrains from turning.

“What are you apologizing for? It’s not your fault.” The grimace on Renjun’s face softens slightly. “I’m sorry, that entire reaction was overdramatic.”

“I’m sure you must’ve had your reasons,” says Jeno, taking a step forward and awkwardly putting a hand on Renjun’s shoulder.

Behind them, Jeno now _definitely_ hears footsteps, and Jiho, Jaemin and Donghyuck are walking towards them, the first striding with purpose and the other two following with varying degrees of panic on their faces. He turns to Renjun again, but Renjun is lost, his eyes unfocused as he stares at the collar of Jeno’s shirt blankly, tears brimming in his eyes, just a couple seconds away from falling.

“Injunnie?” Jiho claps twice, as one would when talking to a scared animal.

Jeno glares. “I don’t think this is the time for that.” He steps in front of Renjun protectively, Renjun’s hand holding on to Jeno’s sleeve.

“Fine,” Jiho raises his eyebrows at Jeno, then looks beyond him to Renjun. “I just want to talk about this, Renjun, can we talk?”

Jeno continues glaring, until the seventeen-second-long battle of wills is broken when Renjun says, in the smallest voice, “Sure.”

Jeno watches as Renjun takes a couple unsteady steps towards their room, regaining his balance and quickening his pace once Jiho falls in step with him.

Donghyuck walks up to Jeno as they watch the door close. Jaemin had the room evacuated of the others as soon as Jeno left after Renjun. “We _are_ going to listen to their conversation, right?”

“I mean,” shrugs Jeno. “We do have to make sure things are going fine, right? In case we need to call the police or something.”

“Jeno, is this really the time?” asks Jaemin, shaking his head. His face betrays him though, the corner of his lips upturning slightly in amusement.

Jeno smiles. “I’m talking about in the event that Renjun goes nuclear. I’m not worried about Renjun getting hurt, the kiddo can hold his own.”

Jaemin sighs. Donghyuck grins unashamedly at Jeno.

They walk quietly over to the now closed door, Donghyuck dramatically raises his finger to his lips and Jaemin presses his ear against the door in complete abandon. Jeno raises his eyebrows, fearful for a second that they’ll be caught, but Jaemin beckons them closer, and Jeno’s curiosity gets the best of him.

“—it’s because you’re a fucking asshole.”

“I know, you’ve said that. I need reasons.”

“You never care about hurting another person’s feelings!”

“Renjun, if I didn’t care, why would I be here asking you to tell me why you stormed off like that?”

“You thought I would laugh and go along with it if you mentioned my social anxiety?”

“Can I be honest? I just don’t get it. You said you’re socially anxious but I see you in here getting along fine with Jeno and Jaemin and Donghyuck, what am I supposed to believe?”

Donghyuck scowls, pressing his head a little more forcefully against the door. Jeno puts a warning hand on his shoulder.

“You really don’t fucking understand, do you?” Renjun’s voice raises a couple pitches and Jeno’s grip on Donghyuck’s shoulder tightens. “Just because I am socially anxious doesn’t mean I can’t talk to people.”

“Then what is it supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m afraid, okay? Every conversation I have, I’m so afraid that I’ll be judged, I’m so afraid that I might accidentally say something that offends them, I’m so afraid they’re going to insult me, I’m so afraid that they’ll find me boring, I’m so afraid of _every single word_ that I say.” There’s a resentful mixture of anger, frustration, and helplessness in his words. “And you just make it all so much worse.”

“ _I_ make it worse? Renjun, I have no idea why this is my fault.”

There’s a pause, and when Renjun speaks again, his voice is like broken glass. “You ruined everything that I was ever vocal about liking. I’d mention a movie I liked, and you’d say it was trash. I’d mention listening to a particular band, you’d say it was for girls, as though that was a bad thing. You’d imitate things that I said, when it was already difficult for me to take part in a conversation, in the most mocking of tones, and maybe that made everyone else laugh but it really sucked for me.” A stuttering breath, a teary sob. “I know, I know, it seems like I’m giving really insignificant comments way too much importance, but it piled up. Each one didn’t hurt that much but it eroded my confidence over time.”

He goes on, “I tried being friends with you. I’ve tried finding common ground, tried to find something that we could talk about, something that wasn’t football because that’s all you seemed to care about and it was something I couldn’t bring myself to like. I tried being nice to you because we were forced to exist in the same space every day after school, and I just wanted things to be civil, but all you did was expose my faults over and over, teasing and nitpicking and making fun of me until I fucking snapped and I really couldn’t take it anymore.”

Jeno catches Jaemin’s eye, pointing to the door and making a gesture that implies that he’s going to kill Jiho. Jaemin nods, pointing to himself and then Jeno, as though to say, _you and me both._

The pause this time is so long that Jeno feels the urge to throw the door open to make sure things haven’t escalated in some way or the other. “I didn’t know you felt that way. Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“I tried. I’d tell you to shut up and I’d tell you that whatever you said was mean. You’d say you were just joking around. Leejin used to tell me to laugh it off because it was just you being you. I despised both explanations. You can’t use the excuse that you were joking around to tide over the fact that you were saying things that were genuinely hurtful. And Leejin was right. It was just you being you. You’re just that hurtful.”

“Shit. Didn’t know you felt that way. I thought we were friends. I tease all my friends like that.”

“Yeah, I guess your idea of being friends and my idea of being friends is a little different,” bites back Renjun, toxic spite all over his words. Jeno wonders how long he bottled all this up, “But under no circumstances is your mentioning my social anxiety acceptable. It isn’t a joke.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Maybe? Of course you shouldn’t have, that was a dick move.” A loud sigh. “You know what, never even fucking mind. I’m fine, you can leave.”

“Of course, it’s not fine, you’re still crying. I might be a dick sometimes but I’m not the kind of person who’s going to walk away and let you cry.”

Donghyuck looks up at Jeno, rolling his eyes and making a face.

“I’m fine, I swear, you can leave.”

“Renjun, if you have more to say, you might as well get it out now. You’ve already said this much. We can start over after this.”

“That actually sounds tempting. Tenth grade me was convinced there was a heart in there somewhere. Twelfth grade me is not too convinced. And as much as it sounds generous of you to offer to start over, I think I’ve gotten to the point where I can accept that certain kinds of people are just not built to be friends. We’d be better off if we just never talked to each other.”

Renjun’s voice reduces to a near whisper at the end of his sentence, so Jeno presses his ear against the door even harder just to hear what Jiho has to say in return—

“What are you boys doing?”

Jeno jumps at the soft voice, his heart rate spiking. Jaemin yelps, his head hitting the door with a thud as he falls against Donghyuck, who loses his footing and falls against Jeno, and they all land in a heap on the floor. Jeno registers an ache in his tailbone where his ass hit the ground. He props himself on his elbows, and squints past Donghyuck’s head to register Professor Moon, eyebrows raised and coffee cup in hand, looking casual in a T-shirt that says _Free Hugs (For Dogs)_ , and sweatpants.

Jeno’s first response isn’t to answer him. Instead, he points at the professor and asks a question back. “You’re a dog person, Professor?”

Professor Moon looks at his T-shirt and then back at Jeno, who guesses that he would look a little comical, a head propped up in a wild tangle of arms and legs. Donghyuck is trying to push a disoriented Jaemin off of him, his other elbow digging into Jeno’s stomach. 

“Yes, I am. Is that a problem?”

“Kind of,” huffs out Jeno as he struggles to his feet, Donghyuck hefting Jaemin up in apology after he pushed him off. “I’m a cat person.”

Professor Moon gives him a bemused look. “I’m sure we can coexist peacefully. In the meantime, why are you guys out of your room? We’re meeting for dinner in the hall in half an hour. Have you all freshened up? Are you locked out?”

“No, professor,” says Jeno quickly, a little too quickly. “I don’t think we can coexist peacefully if you’re a dog person. Cats are superior.” Donghyuck gives him a disappointed look, like Jeno could’ve saved the situation but instead chose to go with _that._

“Okay, Lee, we can agree to disagree.” Professor Moon is looking like he’s regretting his decision to walk down that corridor. “Make sure you’re in the dining hall by eight, okay?”

“Gotcha, professor,” responds Jaemin, jumping in before Jeno can say another word. Thank god. Jeno was about to say that they can’t agree to disagree because he doesn’t even see how there’s another point of view to take—

“Okay, kids, don’t do anything weird.” Professor Moon nods once and walks back down the corridor.

“He’s probably thinking that he’s not paid enough for this,” deadpans Donghyuck.

“Hell, I would probably be thinking that if I was in his place,” says Jaemin, rolling his eyes at Jeno as he massages the spot on his head where he hit the door. Jeno almost feels bad for him—first his arm and then his head. Jeno hopes he’ll still be in one piece at the end of the program. “Picking a dog vs. cat fight? Unbelievable. Instead of bullshitting an explanation, you chose to freak him out with your cat obsession.”

“It got rid of him either way, didn’t it, Nana?” shrugs Jeno nonchalantly. Is he supposed to apologize for loving his cats so much that they’re the only ones he lives for? What bullshit. “That’s what matters—”

The door of their room swings open and Jaemin jumps away from it, right into Donghyuck’s arms. Jiho stands in the doorway, eyebrows raised as he regards them with a little more hostility and less bemusement in comparison to Professor Moon. He clears his throat awkwardly, opens his mouth to say something, but then he seems to decide otherwise, closing his mouth and stalking down the corridor as though there’s nowhere he’d rather be than away from them.

Donghyuck glares until he’s out of sight, then walks into the room, Jeno and Jaemin following close behind him. Renjun is sitting on the bed, looking small as he stares down at his crossed legs, hands clasped in his lap, tears sliding down his nose.

“Injunnie, my baby,” sighs Donghyuck, taking a seat next to Renjun and pulling him into his arms. “Don’t cry, don’t cry.” Jeno and Jaemin also take seats on the bed, Jaemin taking one of Renjun’s hands and Jeno ruffling Renjun’s hair in support.

Renjun cries into Donghyuck’s chest, none of them saying anything until the circles that Jaemin is rubbing onto Renjun’s hand become mechanical, the strokes of Jeno’s fingers in Renjun’s hair become periodic, the rhythm to which Donghyuck is rocking Renjun becomes regular, and Renjun’s crying slows to a sniffle.

“I’m so sorry, you guys,” is the first thing Renjun says.

“Don’t be sorry,” says Jaemin immediately. “We’re here for you, Injunnie. If you need to cry, you don’t need to apologize for that.”

“I just—seeing him just reminds me of the person I used to be.”

Jeno chuckles softly. “You expect us to believe that you weren’t this amazing at all points of your life? That’s kind of impossible.”

“I used to be kind of pathetic,” says Renjun in a small voice. “I hate the person I used to be.”

Half of Jeno wants to make another joke to try and lighten the mood, but he settles for an honest, “Me too, Injun.” He spares half a glance at Jaemin, his heart going offbeat for a second. It was all Jeno’s fault, after all. Jaemin was always the smarter one among the two of them, the one less likely to crumble under pressure.

Jeno was prepared to crumble under pressure in eleventh and twelfth grade. He knew that unless he put up a good fight, his academics would get the better of him. So he quit his dance classes, quit his basketball classes, stopped going out with his friends, working with laser focus towards his goal. He cut himself off from the outside world, and because Jaemin belonged to the outside world, Jaemin had to be cut off as well.

And that meant: pretending to be engrossed in a conversation as Jaemin walked past in the hallway looking like the epitome of carefree and relaxed, avoiding the entire side of the auditorium where Jaemin was sitting, going to play basketball when he had to share PE with Jaemin’s class because Jaemin never plays basketball because he sucks at it, and Jaemin never engages in any activity that he’s less than stellar at (which is not that much of a loss, considering Jaemin is above average at so many things, it’s almost not fair).

And it was like Jeno had a sixth sense, a Jaemin sense, that allowed him to immediately figure out where Jaemin was in the room. Every time. Jeno could enter a room and, with one sweep of the people there, figure out whether Jaemin was there or not. During his sadder spirals, Jeno would pin the word _distracting_ onto Jaemin’s image in his head, and that was why he had to be cut off. Because Jeno couldn’t afford to get distracted during the most important phase of his life.

Well, that, and one other reason. Something that was initially a small annoyance, but something that Jeno allowed to take him over. Jeno started cutting Jaemin off even before the eleventh grade started and he knows it. 

And _that._

That’s the version of himself that he hates.

“We’ve all lived through worse versions of ourselves,” says Donghyuck, kissing the top of Renjun’s head. “We’re all better today for it.”

“I know, but it’s like—” Renjun sighs heavily, gesturing with his hands as though attempting to pull the words out of the air. “It’s like I chose to be a worse version of myself. I had friends at school. I was actually pretty good at making friends, despite always being a little introverted.”

Jeno smiles at that. That’s literally the tagline of his life. Jeno Lee: Pretty Good At Making Friends, Despite Being The Biggest Introvert.

“So initially in ninth grade, our parents used to take turns driving us to math tuition and stuff, because we were from the same campus and carpooling is better for the environment, etc. etc.” Renjun pauses to roll his eyes, although Jeno knows that’s not specifically at the _better for the environment_ part, because Jeno witnessed Renjun give some of their campmates a very stern lecture about turning lights off when they’re not in use because, as Jeno recalls, _the earth is dying and wasting electricity is the equivalent of attempting to push the blunt edge of a knife through the sternum of the earth._ “And he pissed me off on the very first day.”

“The boy moves that fast, huh,” says Jaemin, shaking his head.

“His mom was asking questions and I was answering them—I used to be in this continuously hyper state, honestly, it was annoying—and he told me I reminded him of this boy in his class. He said it in a pretty neutral tone, and didn’t follow it up with anything. So I asked him if that was a good thing.”

Renjun takes a deep breath, to hold the suspense. Jeno feels a little sad knowing that there was a point of time when Renjun used to be hyper and happy all the time. Jeno had observed that before them, the only person that Jeno saw him actually talking to (like, actually _talking to,_ not just standing in the same space as the conversation went on between other people) was Donghyuck, and even after Jeno and Jaemin joined up with them, it took Renjun a little while to actually open up.

To think that someone had eroded his confidence to this extent made Jeno want to march out there and fight Jiho himself, but Renjun had been so, so brave on his own, actually bothering to phrase his entire problem. If Jeno was in the exact same scenario, he would have stuck with a resolute “You’re an asshole and I hate you.” Just that. If Jeno had this much anger within him he wouldn’t be able to even begin to form sentences.

“He _laughed_ at that. This mean, scoff of a laugh,” bites out Renjun. “And after Leejin joined us, we started going by taxi. Leejin was friends with both of us, so I guess it was kind of awful for him to deal with me and Jiho constantly coming after each other. I’d start talking about… well, you guys heard the examples, I know you were listening outside.”

Jeno is the only one who tries to look even a little guilty. Donghyuck even has the audacity to push the blame on him, saying, “Jeno said we might have to call the police if you went nuclear.”

Renjun looks at Jeno, a watery smile on his face. “Thanks for having that much faith in me.”

“You’re welcome,” smiles Jeno in response, unable to keep a giggle from spilling out of his mouth. “There’s only one person on this planet that I’m scared of besides my mom, and that’s you.”

“My heart is melting,” jokes Renjun, freeing his hand from Jaemin’s hold so he can clutch his heart dramatically. He leans back into Donghyuck’s chest, exhaling slowly. “The social anxiety thing really made me snap though.”

“Yeah, what’s that about?” asks Jaemin. “If you don’t mind talking about it.”

A pause. “Actually, I don’t mind. We had to go to SC High for their math expo—yes, Jaemin, we could’ve become friends a whole one year ago—and I didn’t know anyone else there. I’d kinda withdrawn from most people. I’d started descending into this spiral of _do they hate me are they talking to me out of pity are they judging me_ about a year and a half before this. My social interactions were becoming strained and I could barely pick up the energy to talk to people.”

Jeno feels a little cold from the realization that that was pretty much him throughout twelfth grade.

Renjun continues, “But somehow there was a part of me, that I couldn’t fix, that still wanted to be friends with Jiho. Like, despite all the times he’d put me down, picked fights for no reason, and insulted me, I was convinced that there was some way to become someone he could be nice to because, like before this, I never came across someone this difficult to befriend.”

“That sounds...mildly troubling, Injun,” says Donghyuck uneasily, phrasing simply what Jeno considered to be a little bit more insidious under the innocent-seeming surface.

Renjun scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Oh my god, you guys, not like that. I knew it was kind of hopeless, but I’m just inherently used to being nice to people and the fact that this boy brought out the worst in me wasn’t something that I could handle. I felt like a bad person, and even though this reaction to his shitty self was justified, I still didn’t think it was right. I didn’t like fighting. It gets exhausting.”

“I don’t blame you. People that you have to keep fighting with really drain your energy,” nods Jeno.

“He had his nicer moments too,” says Renjun after a short silence. “We got along sometimes. We’d help each other in class and stuff. There were moments when I could put aside my hatred and see a person who wasn’t all bad. It was kind of awful when those phases passed, and we’d be back to hating each other. Or maybe it was just me hating him the whole time. Maybe that was his way of being friends. That’s what Leejin said.”

“That’s a fucked up way of being friends, then,” says Donghyuck, pressing his lips together. “I mean we tease each other but there’s a point when it has to stop. You can’t be friends with a person who hurts you.”

“Yeah, you really can’t,” seconds Jaemin, and Jeno’s chest burns with guilt. Jaemin’s a hypocrite. He’s still friends with Jeno, after all. It’s been two whole weeks but Jeno still can’t help but feel the slightest bit sad whenever Jaemin smiles at him.

“I strayed so far from what I was going to say, hold up.” Renjun giggles, holding his hands up. “I had a point, what was I talking about? Social anxiety.”

There’s a chorus of enlightened _yeah_ s from the other three. So many of their conversations devolve like this, Jeno isn’t even surprised.

“Okay, so I didn’t know anyone else there, so I thought I’d stick with Jiho. I was getting mildly intimidated because there were mostly twelfth graders there and I had barely prepared for my event. I was getting jittery just asking people for simple things, like where the registration desk was, and he was asking me why I’ve started seeming increasingly freaked out at the prospect of talking to people.” Renjun scoffs sarcastically. “Of course, at that point I didn’t realize how much my interaction with him was dampening my own social ability, but in a moment that I accidentally let my guard down, I told him I had social anxiety.”

Donghyuck groans. “No, no, Injunnie, why would you tell him that? This boy is already insensitive about so many things and you just gave him the worst ammunition.”

“It was a _lapse in judgement,_ Hyuck, I didn’t think he’d be insensitive about this!” Renjun’s voice has raised three pitches by the end of the sentence, and Jaemin rubs his arm comfortingly to calm him down a little. “He just went ‘yeah, _right_ ’ and said I shouldn’t trust everything I read on the internet because most of that is exaggerated.”

“That’s… one of the worst responses I have ever heard in my life,” marvels Jeno.

Renjun shrugs. “I know. Anyway, I was obviously I was crushed by his callousness, decided that he really was the worst human being I had ever met in my life, and quit math tuition the next day.”

“That sucks,” says Jaemin, breaking the hollow silence that has set in. “But thank you for telling us.”

“I mean, I guess we’ve gotten to the point where I can call you my friends, right?” smiles Renjun, and Donghyuck tackles him violently with a _it’s been weeks, Huang Renjun, of course we’re friends!_ and they fall against Jeno, who has been buried under two other people for the second time in half an hour. Jeno groans as the combined weight of Donghyuck and Renjun topple him over, Jaemin’s laugh filling the background. Jeno wishes he could put this moment in his pocket and carry it around with him.

There’s a loud knock on their door. “Cat people and dog people, it’s time for dinner!”

Jeno is flabbergasted. Obviously, Professor Moon would’ve told Professor Seo, and they’d have probably laughed about how their student’s idiocy quotient is as high as (if not higher than) his intelligence quotient. Jaemin laughs even louder as Renjun asks for context, and Donghyuck calls back a “Bold of you to assume there are any dog people here at all, Professor, Jeno wouldn’t allow us to coexist!”

“Oh my _god,_ shut up,” whines Jeno as he pushes Donghyuck off of him. He’s going to pay for this mistake for the rest of his life, he already knows it. Renjun has gotten to his feet, looking happier despite the tear tracks still on his face, pulling the others up off the bed one by one. Jeno sends him off to wipe their face and they make their way to the dining hall.

Dinner is nicer than they expected. The dreary atmosphere that they walked into really pushed all of Jeno’s expectations to rock bottom, so the fact that the food is nice enough in itself is a huge win.

Renjun has cheered up substantially, eating three portions of the food and chatting excitedly about the stargazing hour at the top of the astronomy building that’s part of their schedule for the day after tomorrow. Yangyang and Hyunjin pass by their table, Yangyang ruffling Renjun’s hair as he passes by, earning a grin in return. It makes Jeno smile to see Renjun feeling better.

“I wanna play cards now, we gotta finish the game,” says Donghyuck once they’re all back in their room. “Let’s play Uno.”

“Can you give me a few minutes? I gotta take this call.” Jaemin points to his phone, smile a little apologetic. Jeno’s ears are able to catch a _hey babe_ as Jaemin walks out the door.

Donghyuck looks incredulously at Jeno. “He has a boyfriend? A girlfriend? Did I just hear him say _babe?_ ”

“He calls _you_ babe too, Hyuck, just because he calls someone babe doesn’t mean he’s in a relationship with him.” Jeno stretches his fingers out to keep his fist from clenching.

“Okay, so not a relationship. A friend with benefits then?” asks Renjun, wiggling his eyebrows as he gathers the Uno cards that they left scattered over one of the beds.

“None of the above,” says Jeno, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice. “He’s talking to Doyoon.”

“Who’s Doyoon?” Donghyuck plops down on the bed next to Renjun who’s paused midway through shuffling his cards and is looking at Jeno with a questioning look.

Jeno tries so hard to keep his voice neutral, but he can’t help the little bit of bitterness that bleeds into his words as he says, “His best friend.”

“Oh.” Renjun and Donghyuck exchange a confused look. “Not from school?” asks Renjun.

Jeno shakes his head. “No, from school.”

Donghyuck squints suspiciously at Jeno, who squirms under his gaze. “Do you not like him or something?” Donghyuck’s bluntness is something that Jeno finds both refreshing and terrifying.

“He’s a nice person as far as I know, he’s not an asshole or anything. I’ve only had to share one lab with him, so I don’t really know him that well.” Jeno is not the kind of person who will let his personal feelings affect his honest evaluation of a person’s character. He also hopes that Donghyuck doesn’t notice his subtle dodge of the question. Renjun is so invested in the exchange that he’s unconsciously shuffled the same deck six times now.

But of course, Donghyuck is sharper than that. “Yes, it’s not a question of his character. I asked whether you like him or not.”

“He’s nice,” repeats Jeno, cracking a couple knuckles as he nods for emphasis. Donghyuck nods back slowly.

“No way,” Renjun lets out a dramatic gasp, dropping the cards onto his lap. “Is he a _dog_ person, Jen? Is that why you don’t like him?”

“Would you shut up about that? I was trying to save your ass, Injun, I wasn’t really thinking straight,” snaps Jeno, looking through his backpack for his spectacle case.

“Okay, Jenjen, I appreciate it,” grins Renjun, finally beginning to deal the cards. “Should I put down a set for Jaem?”

“Don’t bother,” says Jeno as he carefully removes his contact lenses and puts them in their case, and takes his thick circular lenses out of the other case and shoves them onto his face. “He’ll take half an hour at least. _A few minutes,_ my ass.”

Renjun and Donghyuck exchange another look and nod. Jeno pretends he didn’t notice that, tries to calm the angry bubbling in his stomach that he knows is not the fault of acidity. He sits heavily on the bed, taking the set of cards that Renjun has put down for him. 

Donghyuck is looking at him strangely. Jeno raises his eyebrows. “What?”

Donghyuck smiles brightly at him. “I knew you used to wear glasses because of your ID card picture but I didn’t know that you still wear them, and I sure didn’t know that you look _this_ adorable in them.”

Jeno laughs in amusement. “I know I’m cute, Donghyuck, thank you for acknowledging the truth.”

“What can I say, I’m a man of the facts,” says Donghyuck as he puts down a plus-two.

“Did you just distract me to destroy me like this? Reverse the direction if you can, Injun, I’m going to plus-four this boy’s ass—”

Jeno isn’t surprised when Jaemin slinks back in about forty minutes later, with a sheepish look on his face. The three of them are huddled together around Donghyuck’s phone, judging the Instagram accounts of all of Donghyuck’s old crushes.

“A few minutes, huh,” snarks Renjun, making Jeno laugh, because he was just about to say that himself.

“Sorry,” says Jaemin with a guilty chuckle, shutting the door behind him. He stops dead when he meets Jeno’s eyes. “You’re wearing your glasses?”

Jeno nods. “Maybe, I’m not sure.”

“I thought you stopped wearing glasses,” says Jaemin, his voice slightly softening, the way it does when he finds something out about Jeno that he missed out on sometime in the last two years.

“I wore contacts, Jaem, my eyes are still fucked up,” Jeno laughs as Jaemin comes to sit next to him. “It made people think I was good looking too, so that’s primarily why I wore them.”

Donghyuck scoffs. “What are you even talking about? You’re good looking, glasses or no glasses. You’re the prettiest of the four of us, you’re the prettiest in this camp.”

“Except for Hyunjin, he ties with Jeno,” supplies Renjun.

“He’s right, you and Hyunjin are the prettiest,” nods Donghyuck, amending his statement.

“You should keep wearing the glasses,” says Jaemin suddenly. “Fuck the contacts.”

“Why, is it because you’ve realized that Jeno can now downgrade to a complete dork when he wears glasses and you’d prefer it if he fit in with us better?” asks Renjun, smiling wickedly.

“No, it’s because he’s cute with glasses,” says Jaemin, sounding a little too honest. He looks Jeno right in the eye when he says that, and Jeno can feel the heat rise to his cheeks, responding impulsively, “Shut up.”

“I’m very jealous that Jaem’s able to fluster Jen when I can’t,” pouts Donghyuck. “You just turned cocky when I called you adorable but you blush for him? That’s ridiculously unfair.”

“I—What? What are you even—I’m not blushing—I don’t even _know_ how to blush—Lee Donghyuck, stop making this weird!” Jeno can feel his entire face overheating with every word that he stumbles over.

“Wasn’t my intention, baby Jen, how about _you_ don’t take this weird,” shoot back Donghyuck with a teasing wink. He pats Jeno’s knee. “‘Twas a joke, chill.”

“Can we play Literature now?” asks Jeno, quickly changing the subject by picking up the set of playing cards. “Rock, paper, scissors for teams.”

Donghyuck takes two whole games to learn the rules, while Renjun is a pro by the end of the first game. Jaemin and Jeno have been playing for years, so Jaemin teams up with Donghyuck for the first game and Jeno with Renjun. Jeno and Renjun win the first game easily with a score of 5-1, because Donghyuck asks for all the wrong cards and forgets who is assembling which suit.

Donghyuck, however, puts the blame entirely on Jaemin, calling him an awful teacher and saying that he doesn't deserve any blame because this was his first game. "Switch with me, Jeno, I'm sure you'll be a better teammate."

Jaemin doesn't even bother to try and hold Donghyuck back, giving Jeno an evil smile when Jeno looks at him helplessly. To absolutely no one's surprise, Jeno and Donghyuck end up losing the second set 5-3. Donghyuck sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "It's still Jaemin's fault, he's cheating."

"Cheating? How am I cheating? Do enlighten me." Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows as he scoops the cards up to shuffle them again.

"You're dealing all the sets to yourself!” accuses Donghyuck indignantly. “Playing the system and thinking we won’t notice.”

“First of all, babe, they’re _suits,_ not sets. Second of all, Injun is the one shuffling. I’m just dealing. Take your problems up with Injunnie,” points out Jaemin. “Second of all, Hyuckpie, you’re just unable to reconcile your inherent competitiveness with the fact that you absolutely _suck_ at this game.”

“No, I’m not the one who sucks, I’d be able to play well with someone who was more on my level. You and Jeno have been playing for so long and our brain waves… they’re just not on the same wavelength. Renjun and I could destroy you,” says Donghyuck, making an ending gesture. “Destroyed, Na Jaemin, we’d disassemble you to your atoms.”

“That’s a bold claim to make considering you’re the lowest common denominator of the group when it comes to Literature,” says Renjun, shaking his head. “Let the record state that I do not agree with his statement, but instead am allowing this dumbassery to continue only because I have put my ego aside for this game in exchange for entertainment.”

Donghyuck’s eyebrows fly into his bangs. “It has been two weeks and you’re completely ripping off my sentence construction. I have never been more flattered in my life.”

Donghyuck and Renjun lose. Miserably. 5-0.

“They have telepathy,” mutters Renjun as Jeno claims the last set, exchanging a small smug nod with Jaemin. “They have fucking _telepathy,_ Donghyuck, what were you even thinking challenging _them?_ ”

Jeno high-fives Jaemin, catching his hand and swinging their intertwined hands in front of Donghyuck and Renjun’s faces. “Oh, don’t mind us,” says Jaemin sweetly. “Just having a whole telepathic conversation about how the two of you _suck!_ ”

Donghyuck and Renjun vote to stop playing Literature in favor of playing Ace instead, so they play that, and when it gets boring, they switch back to Uno. It’s about 2:30 in the morning when Renjun is the first one to yawn.

Jaemin looks up from his cards in concern. “Shall we sleep? We have to wake up at six anyway. Breakfast’s at seven.” Donghyuck, who’s leaning against him, holds up a tired thumbs-up.

“How are we sleeping?” asks Jeno, looking between the beds. “If you’re clingy you need to warn me in advance because I respond violently to the slightest of touch when I’m sleeping.”

“That sounds wrong on several levels,” remarks Donghyuck, narrowing his eyes at Jeno.

“No, take it literally, it’s true,” says Jaemin. “He’s the whole reason why we’ve only ever had one sleepover in our lives. I woke up the next morning with a bruise on my arm and carpet marks on my cheek because I hadn’t even noticed when he’d kicked me off the bed.”

“That and the fact that your parents hate sleepovers,” counters Jeno. “They’d sit and talk to my parents past midnight when they came to pick you up, but if we brought up the idea of staying over, they’d nix it without a second thought.”

Jaemin laughs. “Guess we’ll have play rock, paper, scissors to figure out who’s stuck with Jeno.”

Renjun ends up being the one stuck with Jeno, but he’s completely okay with it. “It’s okay, I’m not clingy anway. I’m your best option.”

Jeno can’t sleep. He lies awake and stares at the ceiling, knowing that when he gets up in a couple hours, he’ll be zonked, but he can’t fall asleep. He tries. He tries closing his eyes and counting sheep but nothing works. He turns on his side so he’s facing Renjun, who seems to be asleep. Jeno is jealous. Renjun looks so peaceful. Jeno wants to fall asleep as well, he doesn’t even understand what’s bugging him to the extent that it’s not allowing his brain to calm down.

Renjun opens his eyes suddenly, causing Jeno to jump. “You can’t sleep either?”

“Jesus fucking _christ,_ Injun, at least open your eyes slowly so I won’t feel like you’ve been suddenly possessed or something,” hisses Jeno. “And no, I can’t sleep.”

“Something on your mind?” asks Renjun softly. “Anything you’d like to talk about?”

“I don’t even know,” says Jeno. He’s not really the talking kind. He’s the leaving-things-unsaid-until-they-eventually-disappear kind. “What’s keeping you up?”

“Just mentally reliving certain points of my life and reevaluating myself.” The way Renjun says _certain_ gives away the fact that all of these certain points have a certain person in common.

“Jiho?” It’s an easy guess.

“Yeah,” sighs Renjun. “I gave him so much control over my own mind and never noticed it. I really don’t like wasting my time on ‘what if’s, but I guess I can’t help but wonder about how much time I could’ve saved, how much confidence I could’ve saved, if I had just used my earphones and shut him out instead of engaging him in conversation.”

“I guess we all wish we could have reacted to certain situations or people differently,” says Jeno. “I have a whole list. Most recently, I wish I’d been able to be a little more comforting when you were crying in the evening. I’m not great at the comfort thing, I’m sorry.”

“Was that one of the things bothering you?”

“Now that I think about it, yeah.”

“Jeno, you were there. That was all that mattered, honestly. I wasn’t able to even put two words together, I was really that upset. Your presence was calming. I didn’t need you to say anything. I just needed you to be there. It helped.”

“I could’ve said something. I could’ve helped a little more.”

“I didn’t need you to. You did enough. Don’t feel bad about that.”

“Are you just saying that to make me feel better?”

“No, I’m being serious. There are a ton of different timelines where you probably did say something that comforted me, but there are also a bunch of timelines where you made me feel worse, so if anything I’m glad it’s this one.”

Jeno can’t help the small smile that finds its way onto his face. He still doesn’t completely believe Renjun, but he’ll take the timeline explanation because it has the kind of subtle honestly that simultaneously acknowledges and accepts Jeno’s insecurity.

“I wonder if there’s a timeline where I didn’t feel like a bad friend so often,” says Jeno before his mind can pause to phrase the words better.

Renjun doesn’t even pause for half a second. “Of course there is, even if I don’t understand why you would feel like that. There’s a timeline for every possibility, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that one is better than the other. You might not feel like a bad friend that often but you might feel like a bad boyfriend, or something like that.”

“Maybe. I don’t think you can have it all in any timeline.”

“It’s a question of probability, I guess. The probability that you’re stuck in an ideal timeline is vanishingly small, so the most you can hope for is a timeline which is mostly good.”

Jeno frowns. “But you can shape your timelines. You can choose the better options. Take the path that is better for you when the road forks.”

“Free will is an illusion, Jen,” Renjun shakes his head as though Jeno is a preschooler, which Jeno doesn’t really blame him for. Renjun seems like he’s thought about this a lot, like he’s had a lot of conversations on the topic, but Jeno never has. “You think you’re making the decisions on your own when everything’s already been decided for you.”

“If we had this conversation in the morning, I would probably not even be able to comprehend half of it,” admits Jeno with a small chuckle. “But I guess I can understand why you’re a fatalist. It’s easier to live with your decisions.”

Renjun smiles. “Do you believe in free will, Jen?”

“I guess I do. But I’m also a bit of a fatalist. Depends on my mood, honestly.”

“So you swing both ways,” giggles Renjun.

Jeno grins. “On this issue, yes.”

“Why do you feel like you’re a bad friend so often? You’re one of the sweetest people I know.”

“That’s because I’ve been trying to be better even since twelfth grade was over. I used to be pretty awful, Injun, but not to everyone. I cut myself off from people I actually cared about and it hurts me to look into their eyes and pretend that I wasn’t a complete asshole to them.” Jeno can’t look Renjun in the eye anymore, fingers nervously twisting the edge of his comforter. He laughs sadly. “The three AM effect, huh. I’m going through this for the first time. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t ever admit this to anyone.”

“The three AM effect, indeed. You joke about the funnier parts of your life a lot but I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about your feelings. Other than when I said that I hated my past self and you agreed with me.”

“I do hate one of my past selves. I wasn’t even the outright kind of mean. I was the kind of person who used avoidance to shut off a friendship when I didn’t think I’d have the energy left after academics to keep it going.” A bitter scoff. “It kind of worked out for both of us though. They found better people and I have to live with the regret. It’s what I deserve.”

“Jeno, I don’t want to make assumptions, but are you talking about Jaem?”

Jeno puts a finger to his lips to tell Renjun to quiet the fuck down. Jaemin is still literally there in the same room, after all. “Maybe. Was it that obvious?”

“I guessed. The way you said _better people_ and your reaction to Doyoon? I can put two and two together.” Renjun pats Jeno’s cheek to get him to make eye contact again. “For the couple days before the four of us became one unit, I thought you and him were the best friends to end all best friends. I still do think so.”

Jeno smiles sadly. “We were, at one point. We’ve had to play this game of falling apart and falling back together after as long as we’ve known each other, but this was the first time it was actually either of _our_ faults.”

Renjun’s eyebrows furrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s a long story. I’ll save it for another three AM talk. I already felt like I’ve said too much.”

“I’m not one to judge you, Jen, you know that. And also, seems like you needed to get it out anyway. It’s a good thing to talk about how you feel sometimes.”

Jeno nods, exhaling slowly, and it feels like his chest is a little lighter and a little less hollow. “Sometimes.”

“Go to sleep, Jen, I feel like you’ll be able to do that now,” says Renjun, petting Jeno’s hair in an almost parental manner. “And maybe, think about talking to Jaem about this sometime.”

Jeno’s mind finally dissolves into unconsciousness, but when his alarm starts screeching at five-thirty, he doesn’t feel like he’s slept at all. Oh god, this is going to be a long day.

He brushes his teeth and goes to sit at the steps at the entrance of the guest house. The wind is blowing in his direction and the first rays of the sun break through the leaves of the trees in the garden. It’s about six-fifteen when Renjun joins him, freshly showered with his damp hair hanging in his eyes.

“Feeling better?” asks Renjun, resting his head on his knees.

“To an extent,” nods Jeno. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

_For listening. For not judging. For helping me feel better._ “Just in general.”

Renjun just nods in response, but Jeno knows he understands anyway.

“Do you want to go wake the other two up? They’re absolutely dead to the world and if we don’t wake them up now, they’re going to sleep through breakfast, and you know how cranky Donghyuck gets when he’s hungry.”

Jeno nods. “Yes, he won’t shut up until lunch and we’ll all be forced to suffer with him. Might as well avoid that.”

Jaemin and Donghyuck are so tangled that at first glance, Jeno can’t tell whose limbs are whose. Jeno wants to scoff. For someone who snarked that he wouldn’t mind sleeping in the same bed as Jeno because it was too hot to even throw one arm over him, Donghyuck sure took all measures to make sure he latched onto Jaemin like an octopus.

“Kids, wake the fuck up,” says Renjun, shaking Jaemin’s and Donghyuck’s shoulders violently. There’s a gasp from Jaemin and a groan from Donghyuck before they both tell Renjun to fuck off. Renjun looks at Jeno helplessly once Donghyuck disentangles his arm from Jaemin’s so that he can try to swat Renjun’s hands away.

“You take Donghyuck, I’ll take Jaemin. Looks like we’re going to literally have to drag them away from each other and off the bed for them to wake up,” says Jeno, causing Jaemin to let out a sleepy whine and hold onto Donghyuck tighter.

“Gotcha,” grins Renjun, wrapping his arm around Donghyuck’s torso as Jeno does the same to Jaemin. “Now!”

With an almighty tug (holy _hell,_ no matter how many times Renjun shows off how strong he is, Jeno continues to be surprised), they pull the two apart. Donghyuck lets out a noise like a strangled cat as he falls backwards onto Renjun, starfishing out and imprisoning the smaller boy. Jaemin curls in on himself, throwing tired punches at Jeno’s chest as Jeno struggles to keep him upright.

“Do you want to miss breakfast?” asks Renjun sternly. “Lee Donghyuck, do you want to miss breakfast? No? I didn’t think so. Now get the fuck off me and go take a shower.”

“Jaemin, get the fuck up.” Jeno attempts to sound as commanding as Renjun only for Jaemin to stick his tongue out at him and slump against him again like he has no skeleton. “Nana. Na Jaem. Jaeminnie.”

“Ugh, _fine,_ ” grumbles Jaemin, attempting to push Jeno away as he stalks off towards his suitcase. “I hate you, Lee Jeno.”

“Understandable,” says Jeno before he can stop himself. Wow, his brain-mouth lag has really been destroyed. Renjun gives him an annoyed look. Jaemin doesn’t even seem to register it.

Jeno mechanically reaches for the case with his contacts after his shower, then decides against it at the last moment and just wears his glasses instead.

Breakfast is an ordeal that all of them suffer through. Donghyuck is leaning against Renjun and getting bread crumbs all over Renjun’s shirt as Jeno struggles to stay awake over his bowl of ramyeon. Jaemin reads through the schedule silently, one earphone in his ear and one on his shoulder. At the table next to theirs is an obvious bunch of morning people who have no right being this loud at seven-fifteen in the morning.

Their first lecture is with Professor Yang, who starts off his math lecture by talking about how mathematics is the queen of all subjects.

“Mathematics is a very sensitive subject, and you have to be careful when you work with math. You know why? Because mathematics is the queen. The queen is female. Females are sensitive.”

Jeno is disgusted. His seatmate Heejin would be so disappointed if she had been here. She’d have probably gotten up to fight, and Jeno has half a mind to say something himself. It looks like Professor Bae is going to beat him to it, though, judging by the disapproving tilt of her brow, but before either of them say anything someone at the back of the room clears their throat.

Professor Seo stands up to say, “Professor, I’d like to thank you for taking time to deliver this lecture and all, but I’m afraid I can’t have my students thinking that jokes like that are acceptable. This may be a boys’ camp but we’d like to keep ideas like this out of their heads.”

Professor Bae looks proud and impressed as Professor Seo sits back down after an awkward apology from Professor Yang, who continues his lecture looking a little subdued. They get to the part about magic squares, and that’s where things start going wrong.

It starts when Professor Yang points to a column of numbers and says “Two plus two is four.”

Jaemin starts giggling, trying to mask it with a cough, but Jeno knows exactly what went through his mind, and he presses his lips together, desperately trying not to smile. Jaemin leans over to write the words _minus 1 is 3 quick maths_ on Jeno’s notebook and Jeno looks away from him, knowing that if he makes eye contact, they’ll both burst out laughing.

Man’s Not Hot always brings back memories from when the English and PE teachers tried dancing to it after they lost a bet against Jaemin. To this day, Jeno cannot scrub the image of his English teacher attempting to do a Fortnite dance in the middle of their school ground from his head.

The rest of the lecture is hell, with Jaemin choking out wheezy coughs from time to time. Jeno will try to focus on something else, like what Professor Yang is talking about, but Renjun is just making everything worse, because after he saw what Jaemin had written on Jeno’s notebook, he started doodling various phrases from the song across Jeno’s notebook. Donghyuck is squeezing Jaemin’s hand in a futile effort to bring him back down to earth.

The tea break that comes after the lecture is when Jeno starts breathing again, after laughing for a minute straight. Jaemin is hanging off his shoulder, his face and ears colored a deep shade of pink.

In comparison, the next couple lectures, delivered by three different Professor Kims, almost seem boring. Jeno nearly dozes off in the middle of the genetics lecture, but Jaemin starts tapping a beat on Jeno’s thigh to keep him awake, prompting Jeno to start playing with Jaemin’s fingers when he gets tired, simply out of mere habit.

“Thank god I withdrew my application for this place, this is hell,” says Renjun at lunchtime. The cafeteria food at YGU is nowhere as good as the cafeteria food at NCT. Jeno is disappointed and eats a bare minimum. He’s not like Donghyuck, he can’t just eat subpar food just because _it’s food, you guys, am I just supposed to pass on it? No._

In the afternoon, they visit labs, which is mildly better, because they’re walking around and there’s no risk of anyone falling asleep. Donghyuck links their arms together as they stray towards the back of the crowd. Most of the labs are biology or chemistry based, and while Donghyuck is mildly interested in the latter kind, Jeno is completely uninterested, his legs starting to give up after they have to climb staircase after staircase.

“This is why I’m taking engineering,” sighs Jeno as they visit the thirteenth lab which has a lot to do with dissecting frogs. “This camp was supposed to convince me to take pure science, and look at me now, I’ve never been surer in my life. Sure that I never want to take up pure science.”

There’s a 3D printing workshop that takes up most of their evening, and they’re all beyond exhausted when they head back to the guest house. Professor Seo tells them to submit their project preference order on the online PSRI portal, and they spend a whole hour trying to decide what to put.

Donghyuck’s and Jeno’s lists are almost the exact same, with all their four choices being identical but the order being different. All four of them make the project on DNA computing their first preference, half because they like the description and half because they all want to work with Professor Nakamoto.

They decide to crash around ten o’clock when none of them have the will to stay up anymore. Jeno gets a call from his mother and goes outside to take it, and when he comes back into the room, the lights are off and the only noise in the room is that of steady breathing. 

The chill in the air stings Jeno as he walks back in, and he hates that Donghyuck has AC privileges for today, but he won them fair and square, so Jeno can’t even complain. Hopefully he won’t wake up to find that he’s frozen into a popsicle overnight.

Jeno can identify Donghyuck’s fluffy black hair in the bed that already has two people, an arm and a leg thrown over the other person, who Jeno assumes is Jaemin, until he climbs into the other bed and his bunkmate turns over and Jeno realizes that _he’s_ the one sharing a bed with Jaemin.

Jaemin smiles. “Hi.”

“Did I wake you up? Sorry,” says Jeno softly as he pulls the covers around him tighter to shield him from the cold. Curse Lee Donghyuck.

“No, I wasn’t sleeping.” Jaemin pulls the covers back from him and Jeno lets out an angry yelp as his feet become exposed to the deathly chill. Curse Lee Donghyuck to _hell,_ who even survives temperatures like this?

“Stop pulling the covers,” whines Jeno, curling into a ball to conserve body warmth.

“You started it,” says Jaemin, shuffling a little closer to Jeno, close enough that Jeno can feel the warmth radiating from him, close enough that Jeno can distinctly make out all of Jaemin’s facial features.

Jaemin has the covers pulled up to his chin, dark hair falling into his eyes as he looks up at Jeno with soft, tired eyes. Jeno’s heart does that annoying thing again where it twinges with sadness. He knows it’s going to keep doing that until he gets rid of his guilt, and Jeno can’t get rid of his guilt.

“Stop frowning, it’s unattractive,” says Jaemin as he runs his thumb between Jeno’s eyebrows in an attempt to smoothen out the crease that formed there. The gesture is familiar. The words are familiar. Jeno tried for two years to rid himself of the familiarity but everything about Jaemin is still familiar to him.

“I’m sorry,” whispers Jeno.

“Sorry for what?”

Jeno thinks about backing out now, passing the apology off as one he made for something completely insignificant, but he doesn’t see the point in blowing this opportunity and then having to suffer through finding another opportunity to apologize for the thing that he actually has to apologize for.

Jeno makes sure to look Jaemin in the eye when he says, “I’m sorry I was a shitty person to you. You didn’t deserve that.” If he’s going to apologize he’s going to make sure it’s sincere. Lee Jeno doesn’t half-ass anything.

Jaemin frowns at first, looking like he’s about to ask _why?_ but then realization seems to dawn in his eyes because his frown dissolves, leaving behind only mild bemusement. “But why’d you do it?”

“I knew I had to shut myself off from people through eleventh and twelfth. I had to buckle down. And you seemed like you were better off without me,” says Jeno cryptically, because this is the closest that he’s going to come to telling the truth.

“Jeno, you’re my best friend. You were my best friend then and you’re my best friend now. How could you think I’d be better off without you?” The amount of seriousness in Jaemin’s words causes Jeno to want to look away.

“It was stupid, I know. I’m sorry.” Jeno covers Jaemin’s hand with his own, eyes finally flickering away from Jaemin’s face. He knows he doesn’t really deserve the best friend tag, but of course he’s selfish, Jeno has always been when it came to Jaemin.

“It’s okay, Jen, we’re past it,” is the only thing Jaemin says, trying for a smile. “Don’t feel bad about it, we’re past it. I promise. I’m past it. You should get past it too. We’re good now.”

“Are we?” Jeno knows that Jaemin is the last person who’d ever hold a grudge, but he can’t really allow himself to just take his words like that. It’s almost as though Jeno feels like he hasn’t felt guilty enough for this.

“We are,” says Jaemin as he curls into himself, his knees pressed against Jeno’s.

Jeno is sleep deprived as heck, and this is when he always stops thinking clearly. “It’s so fucking cold, do you want to huddle together for warmth or something?”

Jaemin giggles. “Are you looking for an excuse to shove me off the bed?”

Jeno shakes his head, drawing closer. “I’m serious. I can’t push you off if I’m the one being clingy. It’s you being clingy that I’ll have a problem with.”

A quiet _oh_ escapes Jaemin’s lips as he nods. “I suppose if you’re that cold, I wouldn’t mind.” He turns over to his other side, and Jeno is confused for a second because he thought Jaemin just said it was okay, and then he realizes.

With the slightest bit of uncertainty, Jeno loops an arm around Jaemin’s waist, receiving confirmation in the way Jaemin settles back into Jeno, strands of his hair tickling Jeno’s nose as Jeno, and Jeno pulls him in tighter, holding him securely against his chest. 

Jaemin pulls the covers up to cover both of them, his hand coming to rest on top of Jeno’s. Jeno thinks the proximity might be messing with him, something about the fact that they’re close enough that Jeno can tell that Jaemin’s hair smells faintly of strawberries, and his stomach feels weird as Jaemin whispers a soft _good night, Jen._

It slips his mind to complain to Donghyuck in the morning, almost as though Jeno completely forgot how cold it had been.

**< +>**

**_[ L. DH ]_ **

“You’re jumpy.”

As though on cue, Donghyuck jumps. Jaemin raises his eyebrows and repeats himself.

“Yeah, I am, we’re in the physics department.” Donghyuck looks over his shoulder, as though expecting someone he knows to come down the corridor. “YGU’s physics department and I don’t get along.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asks Renjun, falling in step with Donghyuck as he slowly sips his tea. “Have you been here before?”

“No,” says Donghyuck, in an almost snappish manner. The library is in the next building. His anxiety is shooting through the roof. If he sees [redacted] here, he might just bust a vein and die on the spot.

“Babe, you look sick, are you alright?” asks Jaemin, placing his hand against Donghyuck’s forehead. “Did you not sleep well?”

“I slept fine,” says Donghyuck, sounding a little too defensive. “I’m just hoping to not see someone here.”

“Is there a story you didn’t tell us, Hyuck?” asks Jeno, curiosity dancing in his eyes. “Do spill. I’d love context.”

Donghyuck’s voice sounds strange and foreign to him as he says, “On the way back, I promise.”

“You’re not okay, are you?” asks Renjun quietly a little later. 

Donghyuck shakes his head. “I’m fine, Injunnie.”

He’s not fine. He was fine yesterday, when they went to the biotech and chem labs, knowing full well that none of the physics students would come there. Probably.

The fact that YGU is currently in the middle of its summer break should be enough to calm Donghyuck down, to assure him that he’s not going to run into [redacted] here, but he knows [redacted] too well, Donghyuck knows that [redacted] would definitely not go home for summer break if he can help it, especially if there was no one to go home for. 

At one point, [redacted] would’ve probably come home for Donghyuck, but not anymore.

Donghyuck can’t help wanting to stay at the back of the group. Jeno sticks with him, almost to the point where Donghyuck wonders whether he’s doing this for Donghyuck’s sake or for his own sake. There’s been some weird tension between Jeno and Jaemin since this morning, but they tide over it slowly over the course of the day.

The YGU trip was the part of the program that Donghyuck had been dreading the most. YGU made him throw up in his mouth a little bit, because it was part of one of the last coherent conversations he had had with [redacted]. To think that he’s on [redacted]’s home campus, walking down hallways that have been stamped with his footprints, the chance of seeing him very much non-zero, Donghyuck can’t bring himself to concentrate at all.

He doesn’t concentrate when they have a lecture about the technology of the future, doesn’t concentrate when they visit more labs, doesn’t concentrate when they have a lecture on special relativity, even though that’s one of his favorite parts of physics. He keeps glancing furtively at the door, as though expecting him to walk in any second.

Only after the bus leaves the campus to go sightseeing around the area does Donghyuck begin to relax, and he’s back to his usual self, albeit slightly shaken, by the time they drive back for the stargazing hour. Maybe it’s something about how Renjun’s excitement is infectious, how the stars form a galaxy in Renjun’s eyes and he looks up at them, pointing out the various constellations that he can spot as they wait for their turn at the telescope.

Donghyuck relinquishes his telescope turn to allow Renjun a little more time. The boy is so enamored and Donghyuck can’t help but find him endearing, smiling happily and talking about how his grandmother taught him about the stars when he was small. It’s obvious how much he’s been waiting for this the whole trip from the way his entire face is lit up so bright that Donghyuck can’t help but think that he belongs with all the other stars up there.

Donghyuck wins AC privileges for another night, and Jeno says it’s fine as long as Donghyuck bunks with Renjun, and Donghyuck is so tired out by all the apprehension he’s endured during the day that he doesn’t even bother to question him, though he knows it would’ve been entertaining.

They’re on the bus the next day, about to start their journey back to NCT, when Jaemin reminds him. Donghyuck almost regrets promising them, but he guesses that he would’ve accidentally let it slip at some point or the other anyway, and the looks of keen interest on the faces of the other three give him the energy to start talking about it.

“Gather around, my children, and let me tell you the story of my bisexual awakening, starring my ex-best friend, my ex-neighbor, and my ex-love of my life,” he starts off dramatically, only mildly annoyed when Jeno interrupts to say, “Are these all seperate people? Or are they the same person?”

“They’re the same person, Jenjen,” sighs Donghyuck. “Anyway, he was an idiot. He was from Canada. He had this slight accent when he spoke Korean. It was rather beautiful.”

“Man, Hyuck babies all of us and flirts with Jaemin as well, but honestly? That face? That’s the real whipped Lee Donghyuck,” marvels Renjun.

Donghyuck nods. “You think this is bad? I used to be ten times more whipped. I used to think cheesy things, like how the boy deserved the whole world.”

“What was his name?” asks Jaemin, leaning forward in interest.

“Minhyung,” says Donghyuck, the name flowing from his lips like a soft exhale. It had been so long since he’d said the name at all. It sounds foreign in his mouth. “Well, that’s not what everyone called him. He mostly went by Mark, because he liked that name better. I liked the name Minhyung better. I was the only one allowed to call him that.” He ducks his head, observing his fingernails in feigned scrutiny.

“That’s so cute, Hyuckie,” coos Jaemin.

“What happened?” asks Jeno, the seriousness in his tone reflecting that he understood that which was cute here wasn’t that which mattered here, that there was a reason this story was being told in the most wistful of tones.

“We fell apart,” shrugs Donghyuck simply. “We fought. I don’t even remember what it was about, but it started off small and completely escalated to the point that we didn’t talk the whole summer. I didn’t speak to him before he left for college.”

“Oh,” says Jeno softly, eyes filling with sympathy.

Donghyuck sighs again. “He was going to do physics at YGU, that’s all I remember. That’s why I was so weird yesterday.”

“Aw, Hyuckie,” Jaemin pulls Donghyuck into a sideways hug. “It’s okay, baby. It’s all over now anyway. I trust none of us are ever stepping foot there again.”

“Right, I know, but can we change the subject? The reason I never brought him up before while I joked about everyone else was because this was my only crush that _mattered,_ so I don’t want to talk about this, it always makes me sad.” _Sad_ is an understatement. One single thought about Minhyung throws his entire solar system off balance.

“We got you, Hyuckie, don’t worry,” assures Renjun, patting Donghyuck’s shoulder.

Donghyuck tries to sleep for most of the journey, because motion sickness is fucking awful and he doesn’t want to give in to it. Not today. He’s awake when they’re on the highways, though, playing Uno and Ace (because he had strongly vetoed Literature) and falling back on their practised flow and ebb of conversation, finding comfort in Jeno’s bad jokes, Jaemin’s excited exclamation, Renjun’s sarcastic comments.

A couple games in, the circle expands, roping in Yangyang, Chani, Sanha, Hyunjin, Felix, Jisung and Seungmin, resulting in a much louder, much more aggressive game. Donghyuck revels in the chaos, for the clamor always helps distract him from the cacophony in his own head.

The next morning, once Donghyuck has slept well, he feels better. Calmer. More centered. Honestly, he doesn’t even care about Minhyung anymore. He’s never going to see him again anyway. What difference does it even make? He’s out there, somewhere, existing in a space separate from Donghyuck’s. Their paths are never going to cross again. Donghyuck is, in all honesty, glad about this.

He arrives the hostel with his mother at nine AM sharp, and there’s a man that Donghyuck doesn’t recognize sitting in the lobby with the attendance list. Upon enquiry, he turns out to be Renjun’s English teacher, the one Renjun mentioned on the very first day they met. Donghyuck stifles a laugh. Things were about to get interesting.

“Lee Donghyuck, room 420, third floor. Your roommate is Lee Jeno.”

Donghyuck pumps his fist in victory, half because he’s rooming with Jeno and half because they have such an epic room number, texting their group chat as he climbs the stairs, helping his mother lug a mattress up three floors because the elevator is out of order. Donghyuck grumbles about the elevator all the way up the stairs, saying that for a technological institution, taking the stairs doesn’t sound like a very futuristic solution.

Renjun is already there with his mother, in the room exactly across the hall from Donghyuck. He’s rooming with Jaemin, and all of them freak out collectively in an emoji spam on the group chat at how close they’ll get to be living. They settle in within an hour and then head to the Chemistry department to have their projects assigned.

Donghyuck hopes he likes his project partner. He’s not a difficult person to work with, but he’s not good at working with difficult people.

“Project 9, mentored by Professor Kang Seulgi, Perfect Superconductivity and Diamagnetism, Lee Donghyuck and Lee Jeno.”

“Project 10, mentored by Professor Bae Joohyun, Graph Theory, Na Jaemin and Liu Yangyang.”

“Project 11, mentored by Professor Nakamoto Yuta, DNA Computing, Huang Renjun and Kim Jiho.”

Donghyuck’s head snaps to Renjun, who’s staring at Professor Seo like he can’t believe the words that just came out of his mouth. The disbelief turns to anger, and then helplessness. Donghyuck can literally see the motions meld into each other, rippling across Renjun’s face.

“I would request you to go and meet your mentors immediately, and requests for swapping projects will not be entertained. You may disperse now.”

They all take a minute to try and get Renjun, who’s blinking far too quickly, to calm down.

“You’re going to survive this, Injunnie, I know you are,” says Donghyuck encouragingly, trying to inject more belief in his words than he feels. Renjun has to be okay. He has to. Donghyuck can try, but the fact remains that he would probably lose to Jiho if they fought. “You’re going to be okay. You and Jaemin have sibling projects, right? Professor Bae and Professor Nakamoto said they’d be working together.”

“Exactly,” says Jaemin. “I’ll take care of you, you won’t have to worry about him.”

“Just don’t kick him in the balls,” adds Jeno, earning a chuckle from Renjun.

Jeno and Donghyuck have to walk a half-kilometer in the burning sun to get to the physics building, Jeno all the while complaining that the heat is unbearable, and that he’d rather suffer Donghyuck’s air conditioner torture than walk in the sun. Donghyuck guesses that he might have other reasons to prefer the AC conditions, but he doesn’t say that.

Donghyuck hopes he doesn’t smell too sweaty as they arrive at Professor Kang’s lab on the third floor. It’s not that big of a lab, just a couple desks with computers, and only one student is at a desk, talking to who he assumes is Professor Kang as they walk in.

“Are you my students from the research program?” asks Professor Kang, brightening as they come in.

“Yes, professor,” says Jeno, shuffling his feet awkwardly before bowing, the way he always does when he’s meeting someone for the first time. “My name is Lee Jeno.”

“I’m Lee Donghyuck.” The owner of the name bows slightly as he introduces himself, wondering what she might ask them to do today. Professor Kang was one of the only professors who didn’t come to give an introduction of her project beforehand, so Donghyuck doesn’t really know what to expect of this. He just thought superconductors were cool, so here he is now.

“I am Professor Kang Seulgi, but I’m assuming you guys have figured that out,” she laughs lightly. “This is Sicheng. He’s going to be one of the students helping you with your project this summer.” The boy at the desk waves at them, wearing an awkward smile that is a replica of the one on Jeno’s face.

Professor Kang checks her watch. “I don’t know where my other student is, I told him to be here on time, but he’s always late anyway.” She gestures at a free desk. “Why don’t you boys sit there? I have other students to attend to so Sicheng is going to be the one assigning you work today.”

“Okay, professor,” says Donghyuck as he takes a seat at the desk, Jeno pulling up a chair as well.

Professor Kang smiles and nods. “Great! If you guys have any questions, feel free to ask Sicheng, it’s not like he has anything to do right now anyway, he’s probably going to watch anime on his laptop.” Sicheng lets out an offended scoff in response, and Donghyuck suppresses a smile, deciding that he likes his mentor.

They’re waiting for the computer when a dreadfully familiar laugh floats through the door, and Donghyuck freezes.

It can’t be. It just cannot be.

But Donghyuck could recognize that laugh as well as he could recognize his own face in the mirror.

Professor Kang comes back in, a dark-haired boy with apple cheeks and round frames resting on the tip of his nose trailing after her, wearing a smile that emphasizes the slope of his cheekbones, a smile that freezes when he makes eye contact with Donghyuck, who wants to pinch himself and make this whole bad dream go away because _it can’t be, it can’t be, it can’t be._

“Donghyuck, Jeno, meet the other student who’ll be helping you out with your project.”

It’s easy to say it can’t be, but it’s not easy to say when it really _is._

“Hi, I’m Mark Lee.”

**< =>**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fireflies deserves all your love and support so make sure to stream! IM SO EXXCITED HJKHSJKHJHKJHCJ  
> \+ special thanks to the girls on the mh gc you guys are the real ones thanks for keeping me going <3  
> \+ leave me stuff on my cc (linked below) i'd love to interact more yall

**Author's Note:**

> comments are always! appreciated  
> please do let me know how you feel about this story, it really means the world to me <3
> 
> social media:  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/thiyatrack) // [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/thiyatrack) // [tumblr](http://thiyatrack.tumblr.com/) //


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